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Is this an excuse?

I am 35 years old and have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years. I also have 2 kids from a previous relationship. I really want to be engaged to him and love him a lot, but when I bring up engagement, he says that he wants to make it right by getting a better job and making more money for us. I told him that it doesn't matter because I am extremely independent and I take care of my kids well. He still tells me that he wants to make it right. Is that an excuse? I figured that we could at least be engaged and in the meantime he can also focus on his career. I don't want to pressure him, but 3 years is long.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Oct. 29, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Hun, he's avoiding the engagement. He doesn't have old family values...or you two wouldn't be sleeping (having sex) with one another. What he has is commitment issues. It may be that he is just not ready to settle down or ready to make that kind of jump into commitment. His story about wanting to further his career to be engaged to a woman who can not only stand on her own two feet but also has been standing by his side for three years is just that...a story. You need to let him know he needs to step up to the plate...or hun, I fear you'll be waiting another three years.

    Answer by AWomansMind at 5:30 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • Yes, yes it is.

    Answer by Pnukey at 10:45 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • so if me I have to be patience because you have to thinking not just him and you he has a kids

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • sounds like commitment avoidance to me

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Tell him you will see other people while he gets his act together. See if that doesn't speed his goal up. Each year you get older so you have to decide how much time you are willing to invest in waiting for him to figure it all out.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:11 PM on Oct. 29, 2009

  • Why is it when men have old fashioned morals we complain and when they don't have old fashioned morals we complain anyway? There are some men that this type of scenario would really bother them. Depends on how he was raised. Did his mom work outside the home? Did she have to? Etc. It doesn't necessarily mean he's avoiding anything.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Oct. 29, 2009