Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

mom issue. PLEASE NO BASHING. :(

Okay, my mom has been the provider of my baby, Im 18 & my bf is 17 we dont live together. But as soon as i have my baby im planning to work my butt off and repay her. My bf and i have been having some issues mostly b/c he doesnt work.. But my town is very small & its very hard to find a job for 17 yr olds. anyways. I want to name my baby after my bf but my mom feels that, that is a stupid decision & tht I will ruin my baby. And b/c he hasnt provided for this baby at all. & b/c he is rarely around. I KNOW I KNOW my mom is right but I really want my baby to have his dads name, b/c i know his dad more than my mom and I love him... &I know he will be a great dad maybe not financially 4 now. I hate to upset my mom. But everytime i touch the sub. of him she starts roaring.. How can I tell my mom my feelings towards this w/o her totally screaming my face off.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:44 AM on Oct. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Do you mean the last name?
    Frogbaby83

    Answer by Frogbaby83 at 1:44 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • you can always change the name later. if you boyfriend hasnt been there, and isnt there now, what makes you think hes going to be there in the future.
    mrsjosey1018200

    Answer by mrsjosey1018200 at 1:49 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • I can't tell if you mean last name. Honestly, unless you are married you should give him your family name.
    prettyrayray

    Answer by prettyrayray at 1:53 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • Oh hunny, don't do it.

    I had my daughter when I was 19 and I really thought her father would step up to the plate when she was born. She's three and a half now and he owes over $15,000 in child support. He finally signed off on her because I am married now and my husband is adopting her. It is very difficult having different last names. Right now, the adoption is still in process, so she has my maiden name and I have my hubby's name. I hate having to explain it all the time. I cannot imagine how much worse that would be if she had his last name, he is such a terrible person.

    If he sticks around and you marry him, you can always change the last name. But if you give the baby his last name and he disappears, it's going to be much more difficult to change the name (because you'll need him to consent). Listen to your mom. Maybe you could give the baby a middle name to honor your boyfriend.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 1:57 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • Oh, well that makes my answer sort of off...

    I would still give him a different first name and give him your bf's name for the middle name. You could always call him by his middle name and then if things go sour and you don't want to hear the name all the time, you can switch to the first name.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 1:59 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • 1st name...... I want to name the first name after him. the last name will be mine.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • You need to trust your moms wisdom. She has seen much more then you of human nature. Your mom probably hopes this guy will turn out to be prince charming for you. He just might. But just what if. What if he isn't. She is seriously trying to protect both you and your child. There are so many court issues now a days. She wants you to have control over your child. You may not if you put an immature 17 yo boy's name down. You not only give him rights, but his parents and siblings as well.
    Ultimately it is up to you and Gramma will love the baby. But at least consider her feelings logically without thinking it is simply an attack. She loves you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • I am a 23yr old single mother of an amazing 2yr old boy. my son has his fathers last name and my last name as his middle name, and if i would've listened to my mother he would have mine. "toriandgrace" gives great advice. * although my son's father gives me money every week for my child and he lovess his son very much. him and i aren't married ... and if i were to take my son on vacation with me where he is required to get a passport he will need both me and his father present in order for him to get a passport, all because he has his fathers name and not mine. Names can always be changed, if your bf steps up to the plate you can then have the names changed. Trust your mother...
    ladiijadex3

    Answer by ladiijadex3 at 2:42 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • this is your child... the least you should get to do is to name your own baby.
    you may regret that later, but the fact this man is the bio dad will never change and if you want to do it, I'd just do it. You could call the child by their middle name, or first (but if it's first that's what's going to be on all records such as school, medical etc).
    I'd just tell her that you still love him, you're still feeling like he's going to be there for the child and that this is your baby and you deserve to get to name him whatever you like and it's not to hurt her and that she can call him by middle/first/nickname if she wants.
    I'm afraid you're going to be sadly disappointed later if this guy doesn't step up, but there's lots of people out there who are great parents at a young age, who do step up so I'm crossing my fingers for you and your family :)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:46 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • I don't know anything about being in this sort of situation, but I do know this. I wish I had listened to my mother more when I was 18. There is no one on Earth who is thinking of your best interests more than your own mother. Stick with her, because you know she is going to stick with you. My life would be a lot different if I'd listened to my mother more.

    Make SO's name the baby's middle name. If he ends up sticking around and stepping up, the baby can always go by his middle name. I've known lots of people who do that (go by their middle names i mean).
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:01 AM on Oct. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN