Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

whos right and what should i do im so lost an its just tearing me up...

ok so im 16yrs old and a mother to a beautiful lil girl but to cut to the chase i was with herdad for 3yrs we where both extremely jealous i had good reason he cheated and was verbally an physically abusive so i left and we didnt talk for awhile well my mom and i live together and recently i have spoke with my ex and we have agreed to give it another try but my mom is totally against it bc of the abuse in the past i wanna give it another try for my daughters sake i dont think ill ever know if hes changed if i dont see for myself butu she is very upset bout it and i hate to let her down what shoulld i do advice plzzz

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on Oct. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • take your mothers advice. has he been involved in your daughters life at all? if not keep him out, you are just setting her up for heartache.

    Answer by shay1130 at 6:10 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • Abusers don't change, from what I hear. Don't do it. Listen to your mother. Your daughter would not benefit from her mother being abused, and if he abuses you, he might do the same to the child.

    Answer by Bmat at 6:15 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • I sure wouldnt just move in with him thats for sure..unless he has gotten counseling for his issues and he shows a genuine interest in your child and yourself,maybe.However listen closely to your mother,she just doesnt want you to make a mistake and you and your child could get hurt.What would you do if this was your child that was in the situation?

    Answer by Nattiesmom9603 at 6:16 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • For your daughter's sake, take your mother's advice. If you go back with him, it'll justify it in his head that the way he treated you was okay with you, so he has a "valid reason" in his head to continue. Maybe not at first, but once a man acts that way toward a woman it is easier for him to do it again.

    DO NOT go back with him. You and your daughter deserve a man in your lives who will treat you well, with respect and with love. You may not find this man for a long time, but you are young. You do not need a man to validate yourself to others. Your DD is much better off with no daddy at all than with a daddy who hits her mom and will probably eventually hit her.

    There is a song that plays on KLOVE that your situation reminded me of, by Jonny Diaz called "More Beautiful You". There is a line that says "But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true And he'll treat you like the jewel that you are."

    Answer by Pieta0227 at 6:23 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • op here ....thanks guys all the advice ha helpedd alot i guess im just scared he will try an take my daughter from me

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • Age and wisdom is making your mother advise as she is doing. She is able to see what you cannot see for the future. Sometimes younger moms are blinded to truth by what they think is love. It is your decision to make but history and statistics agree with mom. So plan on having a rough life with him and in the end your dd could get hurt. He can't take her away from you unless you do something to harm her.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:19 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • Do you have amny poilice reports or witness reports of the abuse?

    Really, since you live with your mom, highly UNLIKELY he will be able to take the baby at all.

    Answer by gdiamante at 7:38 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • no i dont have police reports an yes i live with my mom hes also 20 an i was 15 dnt knw if that matters

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.