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Husband won't accept gay son...any ideas?

My hubby's always been very proud of our only son, he's the eldest, as the rest of our kids are girls and he's almost vicariously lived through him. My husband is also a rather strict christian and basically homophobic... Well a few weeks ago we got back from a concert with the girls and found our son (16) with his best friend in the bedroom, I'm not sure of what he was doing just that it was a sexual act and neither of them will really talk to me about it. My husband just clams up around it. So far he hasn't talked to our son at all and is actually threatening to kick him out. I have talked to my son who says that being gay is who he is and so he will not back down even if it means moving out. I feel as if I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. My hubby is normally is very diplomatic but he just won't listen to me at all. Please ideas anyone??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:50 PM on Oct. 30, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • There are many support groups for families of gay/lesbian children. You may try starting here.

    http://www.gayfamilysupport.com/
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • There's also PFLAG.

    Your husband is probably thinking he failed in the upbringing. He needs to understand that homosexuality is an INHERITED trait. It's genetic. So if he wants to spend some time yelling at his own testicles and your ovaries, he can do that. But it wn't change anything about your son.

    If your husband is a Christian then he needs to be Christlike. Christ would accept your son, just as He did ALL outcasts. Your husband would probably be told, "Get behind me, Satan!"
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 8:05 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • I second the support groups but if he doesn't even talk with your family about it he probably won't want to go talk to a group of people. What about showing a documentary or movie that deals with homophobia and how it can effect children? The movie Prayers for Bobby staring Sigourney Weaver is amazing and shows how parents disowning their gay children can only do harm. For the Bible tells me so is a great documentary and interviews a lot of Christian parents with gay children and talks a lot about how people can be religious and accept gay people. Good luck! I'm sure he will come around.
    newmomma14

    Answer by newmomma14 at 8:55 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • well for one your husband cannot kick him out can he, its illegal, your son is a minor. where do your loyalties lie? because you may need to stand up to your husband and tell him if he cannot love and accept all his children including his gay son, then maybe HE needs to leave....not your son.

    This can be a huge shock for some parents who are like your huband. if he hasnot kicked him out yet, maybe there is hope that his HEART will overcome the homophic feelings and ingrained religious beliefs

    I have one other suggestion for you though. you do need to talk to your son about his activities, he needs to practice safe relations and should be encouraged to respect himself and his partner and mabye not engage in full on err relations till he is in a committed relationship. just healthier for a young person. there is also the fact that even in gay relationships safe sex is a MUST. .
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 8:57 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • Your husband is probably thinking he failed in the upbringing. He needs to understand that homosexuality is an INHERITED trait. It's genetic. So if he wants to spend some time yelling at his own testicles and your ovaries, he can do that. But it wn't change anything about your son.

    omg i almost died laughing

    op-tell your husband that to have children is to love and accept them for all they are...
    pisces_chick89

    Answer by pisces_chick89 at 9:54 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • www.pflag.org
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:00 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • PFLAG is a great organizations that can help YOU communicate with your husband AND be supportive of your son. Dad may be just feeling like he did not do this or that right. That is so far from the truth. The absolute worst thing you can do is turn against your son. My youngest son is gay as well. He goes to meetings for gay teens every week. You would not believe the number of homeless teens there are because they have been kicked out for coming clean with their parents. I help counsel teens and their stories break my heart. They need their Moms and Dads to love them and help them no matter what. Go to the PFLAG meetings they can help you out a lot. Just don't allow your husband to kick him out. Even if you don't have a local chapter get online and join that way. Imagine how brave your DS had to be to come to you with the truth. Don't betray that trust by allowing your DH to kick him out.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 5:18 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Hun, the organizations quoted here will only help if your mind is open to comprehend. I suggest that aside from all this site that can help, you watch the movie "prayers for Bobby" it is based on a true story much like the one hubby is facing now and the consequences of lack of tolerance and support. He needs your support now more than ever, there is no blaming anyone for this he is being true to himself and doing what comes naturally. For men it is harder to accept a male homosexual, please whatever you do don't turn your back on him. I counsel gay youth in Miami, a lot of them are thrown out and discarded because they didn't live up to their parents expectations, I try to make them see how really wonderful they are despite of what they have been told. If you need my assistance pm me, I understand, my daughter is gay, been dealing with the lifestyle 20 years or so, there is no choice involved, I am here if you need me.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:54 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • i kinda know what you are going throught. my 20 almost 21 year old brother(nov 7). in december 2008 he came out to our family and his friends that he was bisexual. my dad did and still not want to believe or execpted my brother as who is. my dads reason is not wanting to excepted my brother as bi is because he thinks being with a guy is gross and my dad wants my borther to be with girls so he can have kids. my brother already has two kids. just have a talk with your husband and tell him its not his flaut. its who your son is . i would find a support group in your area and see if that will help your husband out at all.
    ashmomoftwins

    Answer by ashmomoftwins at 1:59 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I will say this, it might not be set in stone that he's gay. Lots of teens at that age explore their sexuality. He may find out later that it was a phase, it does happen. My brother went through it for like a year and then he broke up with the boy in question and started dating girls again. We were all very supportive so there wasn't really any issues at our house for him to cave in under pressure.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

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