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What can go wrong at custody hearing??

I am nervous and sick bracing for the worst. My DS has been with me since I left husband in January. Husband is an abusive controlling guy. i am scared. He will bring up some crazy info about me, twist it around and try to make me fall into a trap and look like I am the bad person. I guess this is more of a rant than a question.
How I can I possibly get ready for this? Untol Thursday, he was saying he would agree to whatever, didn't want to get a lawyer. Lo and behold, he now has a last minute lawyer and wants custody. Hearing is Monday. I should not worry, but I read about cases where a guy that abused his wife still got custody of the kid...

Anyone have words of advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on Oct. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • GET A LAWYER!!!!!!!!! The best one you can afford.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • Words of advice.
    While talking about your son always use the words OUR son. Not MY son. OR use the child's name.
    As many times as you need to, mention that you are looking out for child's best interest.
    Don't say something you can't prove. And try to bring proof of things that your ex will bring up that will disprove his words.

    GL to you!
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 10:04 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • Unfortunately if he has never abused the child he isn't considered a threat legally to the child. However depending on the state most are mom states and the mom usually gets costody unless proven unfit. First off don't hide any thing about your past or current situation as well don't hide any thing that people in your life may have. Boyfriends friends or family members with criminal or negative history if the judge asks tell him. If you don't you ex can use this against you. As long as you are fit to care for the child you should be fine. I commend you for leaving that situation I know it's hard thing to do. Good luck let us know how it turns. Oh before you go DON"T drink caffeine this can increase his chances of getting you agree and lashing out and no matter what lies he tells keep your cool. If he has an attorney and they are good they will insist on trying to rile you up.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 10:07 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • Oh yeah I would also suggest a nice chamomile tea to calm your nerves before your hearing.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 10:08 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • seriously, do you have a lawyer? It doesn't sound like you do. If you did, you would understand what will happen. You will not see the judge at this time-usually you each sit in separate rooms while the lawyers battle it out. Do you have a temp order in place or is this your first time going? There are a zillion things you need to know and if you are not prepared, it could be a mess. If you are alone, don't sign anything! I would request a postponement until you retain a good lawyer. Trust me-I went through 2 years of this and you can't believe the crap that goes on and the lies he will make up just to try and get at you or to get out of paying you a dime.
    And the whole mom gets custody thing---not so much anymore. It does depend on the state but more of them are opting for co-parenting which SUCKS!! If you couldn't co-parent while married, it's worse when you divorce. And unless there is evidence of sexual or physical abuse,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • cont
    he may get shared custody....
    please be careful and don't agree to anything at this point.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on Oct. 30, 2009

  • hot-mama is wrong.
    our BM is considered a threat to DS because she abducted him. that is not abuse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I see my psycho stalker is back I never said that he wasn't a treat , but if the child is never asused he is not legally considered in danger by the father. I'm sorry it is dumb but true I just helped a friend go this same sit.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 1:20 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • OP here, yes i have a lawyer. Will meet eith her today. Everything is so weird though. She really doesn't have time to get through our whole case history. No, I am not paying her. I got her through the DV agency. My husband pled guilty to misdemeanot assault. He will now try to argue that no assualt ever happened, that I erred in taking our son and leaving. But how could I leave, along with my older son who he also assaulted, and leave my 6 yr old with a violent daddy???
    Yes, I KNOW he is violent, but can't prove it with evidence. For years we walked on eggshells, trying to stave off his temper. When he did hit me, I left the second time, didn't wait until I ended up on the hospital. If had, (gotten beat up so badly I needed the hospital) this would be an open and shut case.
    chicanueva

    Answer by chicanueva at 6:09 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • My suggestion is have your older son who he assaulted testify. If you have any police records doctors who notice signs of abuse or witnesses bring them in. If you attorney doesn't have the time sorry to say you may be better of representing your self. If you need any research done I'm really good at that department and can and am willing to help. Even if you just need to talk PM me. Good luck.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 2:20 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

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