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Should I worry...?

DH & I have been married 2.5 years. One of his BFFs is a female, M. When we first married, I asked him if he had ever been with her. His exwife had accused him of sleeping with her while they were married 9 years ago. He said no, it wasn't like that, & they have only ever been friends because she is gay. He has maintained that story ever since.
Tonight, she drunk dialed us. We were both on the phone & she started saying how she was glad that my DH had found someone to love him & that she had come to deal with that he had moved on. She also said how much she enjoyed sex with him, & that she had prayed that her DD (now 8) was his & not her ex's because she knew my DH would do the right thing if she was his.
I confronted my DH after the call was over, & he pretty much avoided all my questions. He said she wanted more than he did & it was just sex to him, but wouldn't tell me why he lied to me.
Do I need to worry?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:26 AM on Oct. 31, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I don't know why he lied other than they were maybe "booty calls" and he wanted the friendship more than the sex but when he lied about it, it changed up the whole thing once you found out.
    you're going to have to decide why she'd call there drunk talking about him, why on a lot of things. I'd clearly tell him that they both violated the terms of friendship by lying to you about it. he'd have to cut her friendship loose for me to be remotely okay with it now.
    People typically lie to throw someone off the trail so I'd be wondering now if they've been having sex all along when they hang out etc.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:50 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • (OP here)
    Just to clarify, I know he's been with other women. He's been married twice, & been with other partners as well. I don't have a problem with the fact that he's been with other people, and he knows that. He's talked to me about others that he's been with (and is still friends with some as well), but has consistently denied it with M. That's why I don't understand why he lied to me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I would make sure he made a clear decision between me and this other chick. I would tell him that im not comfortable and to not talk to her anymore if he cared about my nervs. lol but that's just me. I would worry, especially if his ex wife accused him of cheating on her with this girl! yep, would NOT fly with me!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:35 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I would worry, big time. He's your husband and you guys can work this out, but this is a big lie. My guess is he lied because they were still having a relationship. Now he won't answer because he's been caught. He needs time to come up with a new lie or excuse. Been there, done that. You're in a tough spot, trust has been shattered. Start therapy NOW!
    camiam81

    Answer by camiam81 at 8:17 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I think the biggest concern is whether or not he is the father of the tramps daughter. If he is not, then I would tell him that I don't want him to be friends with her anymore. If he is the father, then you will have bigger problems and I can't see your marriage working out because he is going to have to see her. My second concern would be his lying and will you ever be able to trust him again. Chances are that if he was unfaithful to his first wife with this women, than he probably was unfaithful to you.
    staceynoel

    Answer by staceynoel at 10:48 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Obviously not or he'd be with her
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:03 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I am amazed you even need to ask the question. You should not only be worried, you need to put your foot down, prohibit him from seeing/talking to this so called BFF,or leave him now before you get more hurt. He is obviously lying to you and that is not where you need to be right now.
    luv2duv

    Answer by luv2duv at 11:16 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • (OP here)
    I forgot to mention... we are in different states. We are in central TX, and she is in Reno, NV. So it's not like she very close. I would be really freaked out if she was close. As far as I know, he hasn't seen her in several years, since before we have been together.
    She believes her DD is another man's. He is on the birth certificate & they have child support & visitation set up. I already have 3 SKs with him (2 are grown, 1 lives with us).
    Also, his exwife is a total psycho. I can't believe anything that comes out of her mouth, so I have to take this with a grain of salt.
    I just don't know what to do... I don't want to break up a 10 year friendship for no reason, but I also don't feel like I can trust him now that he's already lied to me about this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 PM on Oct. 31, 2009