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I can't bond with my 5 year old step-daughter

My boyfriend has a 5 year old daughter who lives with her mum. She stays with us most weekends. At first i used to come round for an hour or so then leave just to get her used to me. 8 months later she understands that me and her daddy live together as a couple and is always excited to see us both.

Me and her mother actually get on quite well; which is great for the childs sake. She even asks her mum when i am going to Daddy and Vicky's.

When she first gets hear she is all nice then all of a sudden she changes:
She won't allow me and my boyfriend to sit next to each other.
She is rude and demanding; my boyfriend feels guilty because he split from her mother so gives her everything and is under the thumb.
If she has to sleep in her own bed she'll lie there for mili seconds then come into the living room give me a big cheesy grin then pretend to her dad that shes had a bad dream so she can sleep in our bed.


Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:45 AM on Oct. 31, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (7)
  • Your husband really needs to handle this. She probably wants Mommy and Daddy to be together again and sees you as an interloper in that. Daddy needs to clarify your relationship for her. Just remember she's a confused 5-year-old, and unless her Mommy and Daddy clarify things, she's going to continue to be confused for a while.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:54 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I don't know if she wants them together, but it sounds to me like she wants him to herself again. The bed time thing he should handle as a parent, she should be in her own bed. It's healthier for everyone. As for bonding, can you take her out and do some girlie things with her? She has a mom and it sounds like you're in no way trying to replace her, just having trouble finding your place. It would have to be hard and the older she gets, the harder it will be.

    Answer by camiam81 at 8:11 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • omg this sounds just like my 3yr old step son.He stayes with his mom and we get him every once in a while when my husband is not working. well this boy does what he wants, control what we watch, and my husband is fine with that i guess because he dont see him that often, then he always gets between us when we get together, and when we kiss he tells me your disgusting, at first he wanted to sleep in our bed i said no the first day, then he had him laying on our bedroom floor with a mattress but thats when we had a one bedroom apartment, but once we moved 2 a house he sleeps in the spare room. i made a fuss to my husband this is our private time and i dont want any children in our bedroom not even if it were my own ect...
    but he always gets what he wants from my husband or my in laws,he's always jumping around, making a mess, playing with thing thats he's not suppose to play with and its fine they think its so cute...

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • well how i was raised my mom raised us to be good and respectful....
    well know i'm 29 weeks pregnant and i hope he don't get worse... because he's used to be the only child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • its normal, she doesnt get to see her dad like she did. all kids are like that,let him baby her,he doesnt get to see her that much.

    Answer by angelairelan at 10:52 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I have recently spoke with my boyfriend on this matter and he just things I am being insensitive and selfish. It was quite ironic really; as we were having the discussion his daughter walked in smiling at me then as usual started playing up again. He's left mid-conversation and now he's in her bedroom now watching a film with her and I'm left sitting here posting blogs to you ladies. I don't think he'll ever begin to understand how I feel and see things from my point of view.

    I don't comment on his daughters up bringing because of the current situation i don't think it'd go down too well and I don't want to seem like a bitch; but I'll tell you know that if she was my child I wouldn't stand for her behaviour.

    It's not me being selfish in any way is it? I must be doing something wrong??

    Answer by browne957 at 2:51 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Its normal for her to do. And you could be over reacting a bit sorta a combo of the two. Yes kids are manipulative and Yes that is her daddy and she wants him. So maybe go in the room and hang out with both of them. You get him most of the time and she is a child. Don't engage in the power struggle. Also you have only known her 8 months not even. Its not realistic to expect a bond in that time.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 9:24 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

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