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Okay, so my (almost) MIL pretty much has a new boyfriend every couple of weeks/months. She's been this way my SO's entire life & the only time it's a concern is when it directly affects us. She's been seeing this man on & off for the past two years, but they don't really have a relationship. BUT, the other day we're out at dinner with them & she keeps saying to her man, Oh you're going to be a grandpa!! (we're due in about 2 weeks) Neither of us want this man to be referred to as grandpa. That's what our fathers are for. My mom's man, who has actually been around for the past 5 years won't even be getting called grandpa. So, how do we approach this subject with her? I don't want to just ignore it, because it's not happening. My SO will really be the one who talks to her about this, 'cause I don't even want to have this conversation.

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Asked by Wheepingchree at 9:37 AM on Oct. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,786 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • just tell her, say 'he's not grandpa we'll let the baby call him mr. "whatever"

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I agree with you, there is no point in having your child call someone Grandpa who could easily go in and out of their lives. I saw my estranged father one time in the last seven years and he met my children. I had them refer to him as Mr. Wesley, he was offended, but oh well. And I was right to do so it was the first and only time they'll see him. Stick up for yourself and your child, you have the right idea and a right to do so. Good luck with that tough situation.

    Answer by presleyfan1 at 10:09 AM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I would just tell her when she refers to him as grandpa what you said here. Yours and your DH's father have the right to that title. Make sure you call her gentleman friend Mr whoever each time you refer to him with the baby. She has no right to make such claims.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 12:16 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Given her past history, I wouldnt' worry because this guy won't be around in a month. It's just the same old crap she's been pulling all your DH's life. I would be much more concerned about how her running from man to man has affected your DH's views on relationships.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • (continued) or it will be another new guy she will be calling grampa. I would laugh at her behind her back and ignore her in person. The new guys can always contribute to your child's college fund, though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • You have the absolute right idea. That man is not your child's grandfather and there is no reason for confusion.

    We don't have absentee relatives called grandpa in our family either. It's not quite the same but DH's biological father has never been around, he split before DH was born and when theyfinally did meet, the guy was an ass. We had to go completely out of our way to see him, which I found unacceptable, by days and hundreds of miles but DH wanted to meet him. Then DH wanted him to meet our son and I said that this would be the only time, that man was not grandfather and that was it. He has had nothing to do with DH since then. I hope he stays away.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:05 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Thanks for everyone's advice. And anon, thankfully her actions have completely deterred my man from wanting that kind of life at all. After being forced to have an unstable life for 19 years, he's made a wonderful, stable life with me for the past three years & wants to continue that with our family. But I totally get what you mean, I'm surprised sometimes that she didn't completely ruin him.

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 8:32 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I have a similar problem with fathers and grandfathers and what not. So I know where you're coming from. If you need to talk hon, I'll always answer a message. maybe we can have some advice for each other. =)

    Good luck with what ever you manage to tell her.

    Answer by Squeakette at 8:28 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

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