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ok i really messed up i think..

i allowed my DD 13 to go stay the night with her father last night since i was gone to my cousins funeral. i told them both that my DD had to be home by noon today. so he calls me and ask why is it everytime i let my DD go over there she has to be home at a certain time. remember i just buried my cousin who was my best friend yesterday. well i just went off on him telling him the truth. that i have had her everday of her life, and he hasn't been around for the past 8 years, he hasn't given me anything to help raise her. so when i say she is to be home that is what it should be. he tried saying that i always moved so he couldn't see the kids, when he knew everyday where they was. my kids know that, and for him to say that in the same room with my DD there just pissed me off. did i do wrong? should i have been nicer about it? i have tried to play nice with him for the past 3 months that he has been back around, cont. below

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okc-mom-2

Asked by okc-mom-2 at 12:37 PM on Oct. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • but when he started saying it was my fault it just hit me wrong with everything else going on in my life. what should i do? should i appologize to him or no.
    okc-mom-2

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 12:39 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I would tell that him you were in a very emotional state and you are sorry for going off on him like that. BUT you are the mother, you have raised them and what you say goes. End of story. Its not asking too much for your children to be back at a certian time. Tell him you are glad that he is getting involved with the kids again. But there are still rules that you make that he needs to respect.
    jedwards2009

    Answer by jedwards2009 at 12:44 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I would apologize.. I know there are times when I fly off the handle at my ex.. but I really do want to keep things amicable between us for the sake of our child.
    When he brings her home, go out and tell him that your sorry for blowing up, but you were very overwhelmed at that moment and got a little out of control. If he starts wanting to fight about the situation, tell him that you want your DD home at a certain time so that you can plan your day and not have to sit around waiting for him because that's not fair to you or to your DD to not know when she is coming home. It's a simple explanation. If he can't accept that, tell him that you will talk to him about this later when you are not so upset, and just walk away
    kristal2146

    Answer by kristal2146 at 12:45 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • You can certainly apologize for losing your cool- I think that is understandable under the circumstances, but also stress to your daughter's father that you still need to set the schedule and that he needs to respect that. Also, ask your daughter if she has questions or wants to talk about this since she heard his comments. All you can do is be honest about the past but she is old enough to pick up on things and you don't want her making assumptions based on one side of the story.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:59 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I do think you should let him know that you are sorry for yelling at him, but remind him that you just suffered a great loss and need support right now- not drama from him. Since you are the custodial parent- remind him that you have custody and he needs to return the kids at whatever time you decide and if he does not like it too bad.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:20 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • You were right on. Do not apologize. He should be apologizing, and helping you out more. He most definitely should be following your rules about her.
    NightPhoenix

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 1:46 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

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