Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how to deal with unfair grandparents?

one set of my sons grandparents are very unfair with how they treat the different grandchildren. I am not sure what I should do to protect my son from being hurt by this when he gets old enough to understand they do not treat him the same.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Oct. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • What can you do? No one treats everyone the same. I have 7 kids and I treat each of them different, as they are all different. What might work for one won't for the other.

    How are they being unfair?

    Answer by abellvalerie at 1:23 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I have the same problem, while I respect the first answer, each of my kids require different treatment as far as punishing, or praising, I love them the same.

    My husbands family is the same about unfair treatment. His granny did it to him, and his parents are doing it to their grandkids. It has taken so far 5 years and they are barely making progress. Everytime it happens he goes to his mom, tells her what she is doing is WRONG and she changes,,,for a little while,,,then we do it all over again.

    For example---she didn't even get my 3 yr old son a B-Day present, until 3 weeks later my husband confronted her AGAIN and she finally got him something. It is hard, but we stick with communication. Good Luck--Feel free to e-mail me sometime--I know it gets frustrating.

    Answer by southernstyle88 at 1:29 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • My stepmother treats my son like crap and all the other grankids great-they are all from stepkids so its not hers and his thing and she married my dad before any of the grandkids were born. Anyway when my nephew died my stepmother at the funeral said he was her oldest grandson, my ds was standing right there-he is the oldest be 3wees which was always a big deal between the boys anyway he said "yeah I guess I don't count"he was 9 and just lost his bestfriend then she sais that he just lost it. After that I told her if she was going to keep treating ds like crap she would not see him anymore. My sis has 3boys and stepmom buys them everything ds noticed one christmas that he got a freakin $1store truck and they got like $50 each for months we went to visit when she was not home and left as soon as she walked in the door!(Ell gramma to knock off the favoritism in front of the unfavored child or she won't see them!

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 3:32 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Sorry about all the typos:( I'm on my phone should have reread before entering!

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 3:35 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • My mom is that way with my sis and I. She lavishes and makes time to go see my sisters kids and barely acknowledges mine even tho she claims otherwise.

    Not much you can do besides talk to them and try and make them understand or cut off communication.
    I stopped communicating but then things happened and forced them open again but nothing has changed.
    Sooooo, I will just be telling my boys that grandma loves them and if they question it I will tell them something nice and go from the.

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 3:39 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Put your foot down. I don't for one second buy this idea that it's okay for grandparents to do this. My mother's parents did it to me and my sister because they didn't like my father and my parents got married six months before I was born. They treated all the other grandchildren like gold while me and my sister got the short end of the stick. Finally my sister and I got sick of it and bascially had nothing to do with them. Years passed and the wonder why we hardly ever stop by and my parents are the ones who take care of them while my uncles and all their children are nowhere around now that they are needed. Now I have my in-laws. They will shower my baby with attention and useless crap then they will ignore her another time and buy my eldest expensive and ugly junk he didn't ask for. From now on when they get something for one and not the other, it goes put up. If they start ignoring one attention wise, visit over.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 3:45 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • My son is the only grandchild on both sides, so I don't have that, but I was the slighted grandchild growing up.

    It was my dad's mom who lavished my cousins with gifts and attention. My mother spoke with her about it and she ignored her concern. When I finally began to notice, my mother explained that she loved me, but didn't realize that she was being unfair to me. I was still hurt, but as I got older I realized a few things. The things my grandmother bought my cousins were things they needed (shoes) and my grandmother was their provider. My cousins expected it and never appreciated it. When she was sick and dying she told me how sorry she was that things happened that way and that she loved me the most because I never expected anything from her and just loved her. My mother knew all along and chose the high road. This may not be the case in your situation, but mom knew you can't change people just how you react to them

    Answer by Auburnesq at 4:47 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • My dh mother does it. She lavishes attention on the two gk that were born and grew up near her. My kids were born and grew up until 2 years ago 5 states away. When we lived farther away, my kids did not notice it, but, now I think they do, but they seem to hide it well. It hurts me though to constantly hear that k & r are spending the night at her house or that she went to their sporting event, but not the same for my kids. The worst is when k tells everyone including her cousins that if she or anyone wants anything from pappy, to let her ask because he'll give her anything, she has him wrapped around her little finger. I think that's a bit cocky for a 10-13 year old girl to say. My kids have never had a grandparent who makes them feel like they are the most important thing in the world so they are used to it. But, IT SUCKS.

    Answer by ch112752 at 2:17 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • The same MIL who,

    1. when her daughter needed a hysterectomy, kept her kids for two days, drove her to the hospital...50 miles away, drove up there each day to see her, and brought her home. Took 3 days off of work during the week.

    2. When her son *my dh* was in the hospital 40 miles away on the weekend having his heart monitored because the swine flu had infected it, could not take the time to come down and see him until he got out of the hospital. And then could not come until she had spent the afternoon with her daughter.

    Some mothers will never change. I hurt for my husband and kids but she'll never change. Fortunately, other than how she shows preferential treatment, I love her. She just doesn't get it.

    Answer by ch112752 at 2:21 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • My mother is that way she gives my sons nothing but she would watch and buy clothes for my brothers two kids and my other brothers two kids they would get money and my mom paid for them to have cars. So my kids would see this and they were hurt at first but eventually they gave up on her and started to understand when she did give them stuff it came at a high price so it was better to get nothing and ignore her bad behavior


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 3:13 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.