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My husband is telling my daughter that she needs to lose weight and that her stomach is too "poofy".

He will not listen to reason, but loves to blame me for her size. She is a tall ten year old, has reached puberty, and therefore, is not a twig like some of the other girls her age. She is active and definately NOT fat/chubby, yet he seems obsessed with her weight. He refused to read an article I emailed him about a 20 year studay about girls and eating disorders. I am rxtremely concerned about my daughter. This morning she said she didnt' want to eat breakfast because she gained a pound. She says she feels conflicted because I tell her she's fine and he tells her otherwise. Any advice about how to get through to him and make him see how dangerous what he says to her is? Any advice on how I can continue to affirm that she is fine as she is? Thanks very much!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Oct. 31, 2009 in Kids' Health

Answers (15)
  • i dont really have any advice for you but you seriously need to get thru to him. i wouldnt be suprised if you find your dd throwingup one day because she gained a pound. your husband is REDICULOUS!! i feel so bad for your daughter.

    naturepeace

    Answer by naturepeace at 4:44 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Can you have him come to a Dr appt where you can discuss his concerns about her weight and the Dr can address those questions as well as letting him know the harm he can be causing by being so focused on her weight? Maybe go without your daughter and just have it be the two of you so that you can be honest without having to censor your dicussion because she's there.

    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 4:51 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Oh my God he is asking for problems he needs to stop it or she or end up sick and to have a father complain or say something neg against his own daughter is wrong. is he over weight or are you I will let you in on some thing have a daughter and she sounds just let your daughter but no one put her down she was and is active today and when she hit the teen yrs she slimed down not because she made her self that way because she wasn't through grow so she may just grow out of it. You need someone to talk to him before it does any more damage..... Not only do i feel bad for your daughter... I feel bad for you to be married to somewone who won't listen to you. To me that is a sign of abuse words can hurt and brain wash a ten yr old mind into thinking she not good enough that his daughter is not meeting up to his standards I would leave him on the grounds i just said.. Your daughter needs to injoy her childhood.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • That is just sad. I do not understand how your husband can possibly feel this would not hurt her. If he thinks this will help her he better think again. He is only making her self esteem low. Everytime she goes to eat she most likely will think about what he is saying. It is just wrong no matter how you look at it. Those words will defintely damage her. She should not be skipping meals she needs to eat and be a happy, healthy ten year old. Your husband needs to realize the damage he is causing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Hi. I went through this as well with my daughter. Please remind him it is normal for a girl to go through that poofy stage. It is her body getting ready for her period. Please do not tease her, or make fun of her. Her body needs to store a little fat to have a normal period.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 9:25 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Tell him the more he nags, the more weight she will gain. While this obviously is NOT what you're concerned about, it might get through to him. Obviously, you are worried about the eating disorder side of things, which is exactly what I'd be worried about, and the self image. He seems to care about how she looks to other people. So, phrasing it as he's making her pooch worse might get through his thick skull. Also, start pointing out his love handles. Even if they don't exist. Then kick him in the nuts. Sorry, my parents did this to me for years. I am actually not going home for thanksgiving this year because I have gained ten pounds, and I just can't face them. I had two babies, but that won't matter. I still am uncomfortable eating around them to this day, and I am a 27 year old woman.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 10:38 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Just tell your husband that she is a growing girl' and that she will grow out of the poofy stomach and tone up as she gets older. I mean you did say she was active. and not really that bad otherwise. right, Tell him not to push his daughter into loosing weight its not the right thing to do,
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:41 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Tell him to shut up or you are leaving. Why stay with a man who is verbally abusive.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Talk to your pediatrician, then make him go to her next visit with you. Maybe if the doctor tells him that what he's doing is harmful he'll listen. Most kids if left alone will be healthy. They gain a little, have a growth spurt and slim out, this is normal, it's society telling them there's something wrong that causes the eating disorders.

    Definitely get him to a dr. or psychology appointment before he does more damage. If you can't get him to change. Take your daughter to counseling, and see if you can head off further damage, and fix any he's done that way. If she knows that you're on her side and will take care of her, I think she'll be okay.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 4:26 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Does your husband eat 100% correctly? could he stand to loose a few lbs? Then put the WHOLE family on the same low fat/low cholesterol diet with no snack foods in the house and see how he like it, start pointing out about an hour after he has done so to her that he needs to go on a diet, that he is fat, ect and see how he likes it. Teach your daughter about good nutrition, have her see a nutritionist if she is really trying to skip meals because of it.
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 4:54 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

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