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do you moms have communication problems with your daughters?

I mean we always quarrel and I find it too hard to deal with her. we even can't talk without shouting to each other. I feel that I 'm not a good mother and I shouldn't say such things to her but she DOESN'T LISTEN!!! I'm very worried about our relationship. If that happens now she is almost 11, what will happen when she becomes older? It's a terrible situation and I really don't know how to handle it.

Answer Question
 
yianna671

Asked by yianna671 at 5:31 PM on Oct. 31, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 5 (62 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • well idk about your situation, but me and my mom had a pretty rough relationship from when i was 13 until 18 but now were best friends.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:56 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • When you talk to your daughter, explain why you are telling her to do things. When she objects, ask her to explain why. You probably both need to work on your listening...
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:04 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I have a 16 yo dd and felt the same way. We spent the last 2 years in what seemed like the never ending yelling match. When I would ask her about it she would say that we were fine, but my heart was breaking. I don't really know how it got back on track but it did. When we did "talk" and I changed the way I would say something, she heard it better. It is not easy and I will always be the Mom and not the friend, but I do feel that there is a way to have the best of both worlds. I tried to explain what it was I wanted for us and for her and why I did what I did. And I stopped asking so many questions. When she realized that I could be trusted and would be honest it was easier for her to come to me. It was the hardest 2 years but I feel like we have turned the corner. Just keep talking, if she is only 11 you may be fighting hormones. Just keep talking and stop yelling, she doesn't hear you when you do anyway.
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 10:02 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • The key is communicaiing with them from the time they are babies on a daily basis and continuing it all through their lives.
    The first key is you are the parent and you commnicate whether they like it or not.
    They never do. lol
    What I did with each of mine was pick something they like to do and do it every week with them.
    And that got them to relax and open up, it was the aquisition or interrigation. That individual time is important especially if there are siblings. One daughter we got out nails done very week on tuesdays and keep that day and time until they are 18. My other daughter we did our hair and shopped together every thurdays eve. And even my son we had wednesdays after school and we meditated and talked energy.

    These things that were their favorites led to talking about my rules and wishes for them and what was going on in their life.
    They always appear not to be listening but they do.
    Ranieri

    Answer by Ranieri at 11:30 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I have a 17 y/o daughter and we've been fighting since she was about 12. She lived with her dad for a few years. I wondered if we'd make it through and even now, we are both counting the days until her 18th birthday. But, even when she was at her dad's, occasionally she'd call to just talk about everything like she did when she was younger or discuss a major problem. I found that if I let her come to me, it was easier. Now, when I need to punish her (missing curfew on time, etc.) I express my disappointment and tell her I"ll get back to her later with punishment. That seems to smooth the way for us. Right now, we are battling the fact that she borrowed my digital camera (which I just got my very own on Mother's day) and left it in a friends car 5 states away. I yelled and then let her go. Later when we were both calm, I explained why I was so upset and she agreed with me. So, I guess walk away when you need to.
    ch112752

    Answer by ch112752 at 1:53 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • 11 is a hard age for a girl; harder for their parents I bet. Hormones start kicking in around age 9 and the challenging authority, not listening starts around that time; gets worse around 11 when the body matures and develops. I went through a hard time between ages 11-13 with my mom, thankfully my mom stuck with it pushing commonsense my way. When I didn't listen or did wrong; I did chores. Each time I did it halfway or I chose not to listen on how to do the chore I was forced to do it over and over till I did it right, I hated it but it did teach me to start listening a little better. Most importantly she talked to me a lot when I was misbehaving, I disliked this too it wasn't quick, but again it did sink in what she was saying over and over. I was the hardest of all my moms’ kids; my eldest child is my hardest and she's 9. Hang in there, and don’t give up on her, at most try to talk over yelling... hard I know :-)
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 2:24 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • You know, I grew up in a house full of men. My father and 8 brothers, no mother no sisters, so women in general are very very hard for me. I have a hard time understanding female emotions. So my daughter whos 12 and I have been going through a few rough spots for over a year now. I know shes a good kid, but her hormones drive me batty.

    EarthMom6

    Answer by EarthMom6 at 2:50 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Yes ma'am. Pretty common I think. I say really nice things to my daughter even if i"m not really feelin it, and it makes her happy and more cooperative, and I also am really affectionate with her. She is 10. We but heads every day though, but I think it's m;ore me than her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

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