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Do I go with my heart? Or stay with my son's father because we are a family?

Little history, my SO and I have had a rocky relationship. We are not married. He is not the most faithful man and wants to see whomever he wishes. He says he loves me and wants our family forever. He also chats online and i've seen him tell other women he loves them also. When we spit up 2 years ago I met a man I fell deeply for. He unfortunately had a drinking problem and I told him get help or lose me. I ended the relationship but always loved him. Within the last month we have been emailing each other and he has been sober for over a year. He told me last night he loves me, and i will have his heart completely and always. I love him as well. He is my soul mate. I am afraid to change my children's lives, i want them happy and in a family unit. I am so confused, but my children are my first priority. what am i to do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Oct. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I would not be with someone only one year sober. He would have to be sober for many years to even think of exposing him to my kids. I would also not be with an ass that cannot commit. I would drop both losers and figure out why you pick men like them. Fix that problem and find someone who does love you, doesn't drink and would be positive in your kids lives. Maybe get married before moving in and having more kids too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Follow your heart, if you are happy so will your children.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:12 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • If you don't have a healthy relationship (both parents are sober with steady jobs, in love and communicate well) then how will your children learn to have healthy relationships when they are older?
    If you can't be in a truly healthy relationship, then it's better to be single. It's not just about your happiness, it's about your kids' happiness and emotional well-being too.
    SarahLeeMorgan

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 9:15 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • umm..I sorta agree with the first post on ONE thing...a year isn't that long considering his addiction. I would split up w/ your S/O first b/c he obviously doesn't take you seriously. It sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too. Do not allow someone like that in your life. 2nd, you can date your LOVE but don't bring your kids around him unless you know he is serious about losing his addiction and that he'll be a good father to your children. I don't care if that takes over a year, your children are important and they need the best role models around them. Remember, just b/c you love someone that doesn't mean they are the best one for you.
    DaGoodLife

    Answer by DaGoodLife at 9:20 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I wouldn't stay with the cheater
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:21 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • follow your heart. You would want your kids to so give them an example to show them.
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 9:25 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • Oh, hell, alcoholics are smooth and loveable and of course he's your soul mate. He doesn't live in the real world! He's attentive to your needs because he's also always watching you to see what he can get away with. You are taken in by the lust and fun. Do not subject your kids to this if you care about them. Give them to their father and have fun with your sole mate.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • no need to read the whole paragraph, always and forever go with your heart!
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 9:25 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • if you are not happy than your children never will be either. You need to make yourself happy above all!
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 9:28 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

  • I say dump both. You don't need a man!
    prettyrayray

    Answer by prettyrayray at 10:20 PM on Oct. 31, 2009

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