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OMG Surprise surprise

Man when I thought I was getting over some of the complications in my life I get a phone call from none other than my son's dad. It was no surprise that he was calling from jail, I would've been more surprised if he wasn't. Anyway he's been MIA for a while now and suddenly he calls to ask if I could send him some pictures of our son and if he would be able to see him when he gets out. I'm tired of the fighting so I told him I'd think about it but I really don't know. When my son was really little he started to cry for his dad and he still does when he gets mad at me. I want for my son to know his dad but at the same time I don't want to go through him disappearing again and leaving me to put back the pieces, thats paart of the reason my son has issues now. He's still in jail and oesnt get out til the middle of next year. What to do, do I let him start coming around when he gets out or should I keep things the way they are?

Answer Question

Asked by mommy1572905 at 11:53 PM on Oct. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (5)
  • You have a while to think about it. Try not to stress. I would send some pictures though.

    Answer by justluvinmyson at 12:00 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • That's a toughie, and with the exception of he's not in jail(at the moment), my ex is the same way. Honestly, unless a judge says otherwise, I'd tell him when he gets out, to get a job, a place to live, etc and show he's going to be responsible and then you'll let him come around. You have to do what's best for your son, and I agree that having a father who is in and out of his life on a whim is not a good thing. My ex hasn't seen my kids in 5 yrs, and at this point, I'd make him take me to court b/c I know he won't stick.

    I'd send him some pics, if you want, maybe keep him updated on how your son is if you want. But I wouldn't say anything to your son, or let him come around, until your fairly sure he'll keep coming. I know some won't agree with me, but I really feel bringing him around just to have him disappear is not best for the child.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:03 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • pray and ask Jesus

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Thanks tropicalmama, I agree with you it's not good for my son for him to be in and out. I just don't want to see my son get hurt, he was barely two when he left, he's four now,but it still hurt him to see his friend with thier dads and thats what I want him to have.

    Answer by mommy1572905 at 12:09 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I agree with tropicalmama. I would tell him flat out that first he has to prove himself worthy and responsible. I would tell him that when he gets out he has to find a place to live and get a steady job before I would even consider him visiting the child. I would also remind him that he has failed his child before, and you do not want the child hurt again. Then if he does prove he is responsible have him visit - on your terms. Maybe him meet you at a neutral place (like the park, chuck e cheese) - and do not tell your child ahead of time that dad will be there. That way if dad does not show he will not be disappointed, and he will still have a fun time out with mom.
    As for pictures, maybe send him a few- maybe they will inspire him to clean up his act and start being a responsible parent.
    good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 11:10 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

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