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Why did you choose the type of adoption you did? Did you educate yourself about other adoption options prior to making your adoption plans?

This is more about where adoptive moms are coming from, I think - I've been reading and just wondering what made us (as adoptive moms) choose the type of adoptions we did with our children?

I, personally, don't think I'd seek out a domestic infant adoption and have explained my reasons before (tho I can again if it helps) but I just was thinking this morning - what made you choose the route you did?

BMoms - chime in with why you made the choices you did, if you'd like - I like to see why or what makes people come to the choices that they do - it's just my personality... :)

Please no debating why people make the choices they do - I'm just asking to see the basis of our decisions - and if everyone wants to answer anon - I'm cool with that - really I just would like to see the answers with out debate or being critical of the choices of others :) - I'm just curious :)

Warm hugs :)

 
AAAMama

Asked by AAAMama at 10:44 AM on Nov. 1, 2009 in Adoption

Level 18 (6,173 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • No I didn't try to educate myself on adoption at all. Or, I thought my SW was educating me and I took his word for everything. I didn't make any choices about what kind of adoption I wanted. I just went along with how SW told me it was. Him: "This is how every thing is going to happen." Me: "ok".
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 10:58 AM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I researched foster care and was immediately told that the point of foster care was to reunite the child with it's parents and if you were going into it to adopt you were going into it for the wrong reason. We didnt choose international because I have a fear of going and stayng in foreign places. Domestic adoption was it.
    It was infant adoption because that is what is available and eligible for adoption.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Without debating....I did just as OTT, did...I questioned nothing, because S.W., was just letting me KNOW what to do next, and NEVER one time until about the last 4 weeks, was adoption even mentioned, then she discussed the basics...nothing serious nor committing! I know that sounds so naive...it was:( However, knowing no one in Az. , she became my 'friend". Truly compassionate, and lots in common type thing. Basically I just trusted her, when she said..one step at a time, more important things first...clothes, Drs. appts..etc. Blessings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 4:33 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I'm BSE so closed.I was in college and became pregnant by my 2 yr long boyfriend,He did not want him .When all parents were told it was decided to place me in a agency maternity home without money,checkbook,car anything.I was there less than 72 hours after they were told.I was told should I escape I would have no home to go to and would be tracked and the baby taken from me for being homeless.My family was 100% behind this.I would have done anything to keep him.Anything.It now seems he does not know he is adopted,he is 32.There was no choice made by me.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 5:32 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • My situation was somewhat unusual in that I had intended to raise my son until a few weeks before he was born. His relinquishment was never my idea, and I had no part in picking the agency or anything else. I resisted the idea of adoption, but then meekly went along with it all, and in fact only visited the agency once. Honestly, I was in shock, I think, and asked few questions. In those days, there was no Internet, people didn't talk about adoption and there was little literature available. Even if I HAD tried, it would have been fruitless.

    Since I too am a BSE mom, a closed adoption was all there was. I signed the paperwork, but I can't say I "chose" adoption, I just let it happen. I was scared, confused and didn't have enough confidence in myself or enough strength to fight it.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 6:29 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Dh and I suffered IF for 7 years. I got pregnant on Clomid, but our dd was stillborn at 36 weeks. We had decided at 16 to adopt from China. After we lost our daughter we decided to go forth with our plans to adopt. We were not in a mental state that we could possible foster a child, bond and relinquish that child after already losing a child. We did not like the way DIA was handled with many e-moms being coerced, so we focused on China. It took us 4 years after losing Kahlan to bring Lillian home. China law states that a-parents be 30, so we had to wait 2 yrs and then after we began it took another 2 yrs for a referral.
    Lilly has been home for 2.5 years and has since become a big sister to another biological child-Karli.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 7:50 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • We looked first at domestic infant, then international. IA was too expensive and confusing. Like the Anon above, we didn't feel we could handle bonding, then losing, a child after the years of infertility and our failed IVF. After being on a waiting list for domestic infant for several years and thinking we'd never get to be parents that way, we started looking into foster-adopt again. We'd heard from foster parents we knew how the foster system people were always showing up and it was stressful. We didn't think we were ready to handle an older child (especially one that might require some skillful parenting) when we had no parenting experience. We ended up adopting two babies 4 years apart, both with prenatal drug exposure. One had been in a foster home but we were working with an agency. I had never heard of emoms being coerced until after we adopted. I believe that both of ours were necessary due to circumstances.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:04 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I didn't try to educate myself on adoption at all... I didn't really think I needed to. I chose to have my parents adopt my son... I knew (at the time) adoption was what was in best interst of my son, but I knew I wouldn't survive not knowing where he was, how he was doing, how he was progressing, etc. I had to be in his life.

    I don't know if I would have gone through with it if my parents would have said no. I can't imagine not being a part of his life, and from what I know of adoption now.. open adoptions aren't a "for sure" thing.

    I'm happy with what I chose... regardless with how hard it is.
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 10:54 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I wanted an open adoption but got an semi open and honestly I am waiting for it to close. Not saying it will for sure, but Im sure it will sooner or later and I am just trying to be ready for it. There was a huge miscommunication on how much contact that I wanted and what they really wanted. I dont think that they said what I wanted to hear to gain a baby. But I just think that in the raw emotion of things, nothing was ever said..."I want this, I dont want that..." type of thing. I was never educated about anything really. Told the difference then told I was "brave, strong and the alike" Whatever. I love the people who adopted my daughter, I wish our relationship was stronger, more open. That is in their court. Im waiting with open arms. I have come to learn that I chose a forever thing for a not so forever situation. I could have parented if I would have applied myself.

    TLW514

    Answer by TLW514 at 11:16 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • We initially looked into DIA thru a "Christian" agency. I had my bi-racial niece whom I babysat with me (1-1/2 y/o at the time) and something about the lady's attitude didn't sit well with me. I had to write a check for $20 or $25 for the info, & I remember sitting in the FLOOR to write this check, as there were NO chairs in front of her desk, and my wiggly niece was making it hard. She didn't ask to take her or even speak to her. I just remember thinking it wasn't very friendly or compassionate & it made me wonder about their practices. After realizing that the $$$ we put in wasn't guaranteed, and that we basically had enough for 2 shots at it, & could STILL be childless, we then looked into foster care. A friend had just adopted 2 siblings (she had 1 from 4 mos and 1 from the hospital) and she help lead me thru the mire. We knew a couple who had adopted from China and that it took a LONG time. We had waited so long already.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:59 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

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