Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I suspect elder abuse, but have absolutely NO proof...

My DH's grandfather is very ill, and has been for some time. In the three years DH and I have been married, I've watched his GF lose 50 lbs, get "old" faster than I thought possible, and become so cloudy and weak that you can only understand about every 3rd word he says. He lives w/ his wife and disabled son, and DH's mom visits them often. But I am afraid GF isn't getting the care and attn. he needs. Every time we visit, DH's mom and grandmother and uncle make off-hand comments about how "needy" his GF is, how he is "such a baby", etc. about being sick, even though it is OBVIOUS that the man is very, very ill. The last time we visited, we didn't know he was sick until we got there and his wife let him lay in his room crying for help while she visited w/ us, and every time I mentioned that I heard him crying, she brushed it off saying, "Oh, he's fine!" He had the FLU. He wasn't fine. (cont'd below)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Nov. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • This is a tough one. Its family involved and hard to handle. Maybe they are overwhelmed by what they are going through. Its hard to take care of a sick elderly person andmabye they need more support. Take the wife out and give her time to herself to relax and vent. Its not an easy job and getting frustrated goes with it. If you are truly concerned then talk to them, Maybe they just need an aid to help them out

    Answer by Steph319 at 4:15 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • (cont'd) But she wouldn't let us go to him, either, saying that we'd catch his bug and give it to our son. But I am very worried for this man - he is the only one on that side of DH's family that has ever cared to get to know me, and I love him dearly, but I don't know the others in the family well enough to talk to them about this, and they all seem to either accept it or not care to know what is going on. Like I said, I have no PROOF he's being mistreated, but its a nagging feeling that I've had for a long time. We don't see them very often, but every time we do I leave feeling sick b/c of the way they talk to him and ignore his needs. WHAT can I do about this? I don't think it is enough to call the Elderly Welfare Office or anything like that, but I don't really know. Plus, I would never want it to get back to his family that I "ratted them out". They already dislike me enough as it is...

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • WOW I can't believe someone would treat the elderly that way ecspecially their family. I'm sure it's hard to take care an elderly and ill loved one but why hasnt anyone in the family thought about getting an in home nurse or sending him to a nursing home where he can be properly taken care of?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • People deal with emotions diff and it doesnt mean that they dont love them or that their not doing their best. Id def talk to them about getting help. Its not an easy job and its even harder when its someone you love so much

    Answer by Steph319 at 4:17 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • OP - And I forgot to add, the wife is sick, too. She has a heart problem and skin issues that make things hurt all the time. But she whines and cries about it constantly, and makes everyone else (including DH's GF) wait on her when she's feeling ill. I watched her make GF wrap her feet once when he was so tired and dizzy that he couldn't stand up. And DH's mom is disabled too, so she isn't much help, either!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • In CT there is a phone number where you can call, like child protective services. You can make the call anonymously and a social worker will visit the home and speak with his doctor. That way, if he isn't getting proper medical care it will be discovered. It would be terrible for anyone to get in any trouble, but the man's well being and dignity are at stake.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • REPORT IT!!! it doesn't sit right with you; or with me either for that matter! it sounds lie she's letting him die by helping his health fail and slowly fade away! good luck keep us posted!!! you can find the abuse section in the blue part of the white pages within the first 45 pages. report it today, they ill send after hours to investigate and go from there!!!!

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 4:20 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • go to, they have lots of infor on eldercare, warning siigns ect. also use the website to look up your local area aging agency, they provide many services for elders in the area, and their caregivers, you may be able to find someone to help your DH's grandma and uncle take care of the grandfather, and make sure that he's recieving the care he needs

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 4:33 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • REPORT IT! what if that were you and you had no voice whatsoever? You can do it anonymously. If they are innocent then they have nothing to worry about.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 11:06 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.