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Should he be able to have a say in this?

My bf never comes over for more than 3 days a time (we dont live together and have been in a relationship for a year and a half) before taking time for himself for the 4 other days of the week (this makes me upset because I want more than just 3 days). I told him the other night that I wanted to do my room theme as my favorite football team... he told me that if I did, he wouldn't sleep in my room and that he doesn't think it's right that I didn't ask him what he wanted. I was thinking WTF... you are never here anyways.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Nov. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • Your house, your style. When he starts paying mortgage/rent there then maybe he can have a say in it huh? Sounds like you've got a man-child there.... lol
    ladysavage

    Answer by ladysavage at 4:24 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Did you tell him that? Does he know that you would like him to spend more time with you? Does he know that you don't feel like he should get a say because he's not around?
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 4:25 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • These are two different issues.

    It would be nice to talk to him about your plans. People want to be around people that take their opinion into consideration. If its your room at your place then you can do what you want. He may not sleep there.

    If you want a boyfriend that is around more and he won't be around then you need to evaluate your relationship.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 4:26 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • It sounds like a control issue. He wants his time when he wants it and feels you should consolt with him in your personal decisions. Be your own person and do what makes you happy. If he truly cares hell go with it. If not then move on GL
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 4:26 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • exactly!!! if he wants a say then he should be there(as in move in or pop the question!). it's a form of control, so please be on your p's & q's!!!! don't give in to him, because he makes a fuss, because if he wants to be with you he wouldn't give 2 hoots if you painted your room in all pink!!!! do what makes you happy, right now his happiness is secondary becaus he's not meeting your needs anyways!!! keep that sharp head, and you wil be fine! never change for a man,unles he change for you!!!
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 4:27 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Well it is your bedroom, you should decorate it how you want. I don't think he should be telling you that you can't do it how you want it, especially since he does not live there he is only a '3 day guest'. And in my opinion a '3 day guest' should not be consulted or have any say in what the decor looks like. If he was a live-in and paid some of the expenses -THEN he would have a say.
    I do think you need to talk about your relationship and let him know you want more time with him. If he says no or makes a big issue out of it then it may be time to end the relationship and move on. good luck
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:34 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I am definitely with the other ladies on this. It is a form of control and by not doing what you want and caving in to his needs just shows him that he can always have his way. Such as not coming around for 4 days at a time. At what point does he stop and take into account what you want? From your brief question I get the feeling it's always his way or no way at all ? It is your place and your right to do whatever he wants. If he lived there then it would be a different story but that is your domain
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 4:34 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I have addressed him coming over more and he says that he needs his time and shouldn't have to be around us all the time... that I am asking too much of him. It just makes me upset that he can make me feel like I don't have the right to do what I want in my house, because we are a couple and need to discuss things together as couples should but if I tried to tell him how to decorate his house, he would probably tell me that I don't have the right since we do things at my house and not at his.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • He sounds like he is a controlling jerk. He will only see you at his convenience 3 days a week- leaving 4days to do whatever he likes. He knows you want more couples time, but refuses to give you more time.. He is unreasonable with his comments about your bedroom decor. He has no right to think he must be consulted, and if he does not want to sleep in a sports bedroom- too bad then I guess he can sleep in his own bed at his house. Dump him you can do better!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • i'd tell him when he starts paying the bills, he can choose what theme the bedroom is in.
    thehairnazi

    Answer by thehairnazi at 4:45 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

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