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I just found out the my son raped my daughter when she was 5ish

How can help her now after the fact? Being that she is now 13 and he is 20. How do I deal w/ the issue of it being my son? I believe her completely..no question about it..


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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:44 AM on Sep. 6, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (22)
  • When I told my mom at 21 what happened to me as a child she started guessing people's names, like she knew something happened but had never bothered to talk to me about it. I was hurt as I thought it was her job to protect me and she somehow didn't notice for a year. Once she knew she kind of blew it off like it didn't matter.

    Ask your daughter if there is anything she needs from you, or if she wants to talk to a counselor.
    Help her feel good about herself and make sure she doesn't feel like it is somehow her fault that it happened. These are key things to ensure she has healthy relationships with men in the future.

    Is her brother still in the home?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 AM on Sep. 6, 2008

  • Wow that is a tough one. He was 12 so that's pretty young. Do you mean he actually had intercourse with her when she was only 5? I really don't know what to tell you besides be there for her, talk with her, confort her as much as you can and make sure she knows that it's not her fault. If he had intercourse with her I really do feel bad for her. He took away a precious thing that i'm sure she would love to share with the man she marries. As far as your son goes. Kids that age are expermental (I had a neighbor who tried things around that age) I'm not sure he really realized how bad something like that was and that it was rape. Then again I also think at that age he should have known that it was wrong to do something like that to a little child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 AM on Sep. 6, 2008

  • I am sorry you have to go through this in your family. This is a very difficult moment.

    I agree with the first reponse (as I quote her: Ask your daughter if there is anything she needs from you, or if she wants to talk to a counselor. Help her feel good about herself and make sure she doesn't feel like it is somehow her fault that it happened. These are key things to ensure she has healthy relationships with men in the future. Is her brother still in the home? )
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:52 AM on Sep. 6, 2008

  • Cont'd from the top. Is it just a one time thing like experimental? Is your son aware that you know? He probably doesn't. I would try to talk to your daughter and tell her you want to help her, but not sure where to begin and ask her if there's anything she wants you to do right now. You can offer to take her to a gynecologist for pediatrics and get a check up for any STD's if she likes, then maybe go to a psych doctor to get counseling or call a rape advocate line for counseling/advice. Later on, it depends on how close you are with your son... talk to him too (I dont know-that may just open up a can of worms.)

    Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 AM on Sep. 6, 2008

  • im sorry im the only one to say this but put that kid in jail!!!!!!!!! he was 12!!!!! geez kids know about sex and whats right from wrong when they're 8 or 9 now a days!!! i know he's your son but if you do not punish him he will think it was ok and GOD FORBID do it again! he needs to be locked up for him to learn his lesson. i know if it were me and my mom didn't do anything drastic I would definitely resent her forever. and i do agree with the other comments talk to her, comfort her, reassure her. couseling also.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:25 AM on Sep. 6, 2008

  • She is 13 now and 5 when it happened. Are you ABSOLUTELY sure he had sex with her. If you ask a 5 year old now what you just said, they will say something just the opposite. Is she mad at her brother for a reason. Did you notice anything strange for the last 8 years? Did she act different all those years ago before she said it happened.? Think really hard about this, because your son is involved also and it may NOT have happened. Don't just take her word, cause this is not a joke and right now you probably despise your son for something that may not have happened? It was 8 yrs ago. This could ruin a family. Since she told you, how has she been? How does she treat her brother? Gosh there is so much at stake. Think before you act and she is 13!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 AM on Sep. 6, 2008

  • as in most abusive situations she prob still loves her brother very much. I have a friend who had that happen to her, she says she just wanted someone to believe her and to talk it all out.. ask her what she wants do the three of you need to sit down together and talk. maybe you should talk to him but let your daughter decide what path to take on this.
    Lyndall

    Answer by Lyndall at 9:55 AM on Sep. 6, 2008

  • are you sure that it actually happened? Did you ever notice your daughter act funny around him? 5 is really young to remember something like that.
    I lost my mom at 6 and I don't remember a lot. I was raped when I was 8 and things are still really fuzzy.
    Is your daughter mad at your son about something?
    If it did really happen find out what she wants done. Talk to her and be there for support.
    jessicamelia83

    Answer by jessicamelia83 at 12:13 PM on Sep. 6, 2008

  • Be thankful that your daughter felt comfortable to tell you what happened. I would take her to a counselor so she could talk of her feelings. Your son needs to apologize to his sister, maybe the two of them can also talk to a therapist together. So Sorry!!

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 2:14 PM on Sep. 6, 2008

  • "im sorry im the only one to say this but put that kid in jail!!!!!!!!!"

    It was 8 years ago, there is a statute of limitations and they are way beyond it, not to mention there is no physical evidence, she can't just put him in jail.

    I would definitely keep him away from your daughter. And do whatever she needs to feel ok with herself again. She obviously trusts you at her age, which is a huge thing, most 13 year olds wouldn't bother telling their mother this. Talk to her and make sure she goes to talk to a professional and seek their advice.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 3:34 PM on Sep. 6, 2008

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