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I am not sure what to do, I am not sure if I am strong enough to do anything...

I left once, went to a women's shelter...he called me, texted me saying that he will change for the positive. We came back. He did start counseling, he was better for a few weeks, that was 5 months ago. Now things have gotten so much worse than what they were before. I dont know if I have the strenght to leave again. It took a month to leave the last time and a split decision to leave. I am so mad at myself for coming back. I am so mad at myself for believing him. He tells me that it is all my fault for him getting angry. He throws things, he destroys things, he treats the kids terribly. I am so mad at myself for believing that he would change.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:01 PM on Nov. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • You have to leave for the safety of your children
    BrittanyD07

    Answer by BrittanyD07 at 10:04 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Its okay to admit that it isn't working out again. Go if you need to, you had the strength once you can find it again. Think of him like an addiction, sometimes it takes a few tries to quit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • i know how it feels... i'm still angry at myself for staying...

    but it is important that you leave....... just get up and do it....

    if you have a car just get a few of the kids things(clothes and anything important to them(lovey)) put it in the car and drive away and when you feel comfortable, stop and call the shelter.

    I too fell for the "ill change and do conseling...he didn't stick with it and things got a lot worse.


    Good luck and don't beat yourself up so much.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 10:06 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • i am not in a physhcal abuse relationship but i am in a verbal abuse one. i dont have the means or the strength to leave. i am sad and pissed off at myself for allowing a man to treat me this way,i always told myself that i would leave in a heartbeat if the things that are being said/done happened.but i have noone else.no place to go, no job, nothing. its a terribke spot to be in. so for me..be strong for the both of us and leave him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Leave, You really need to leave, since it did get worse, see He doesn't want to be how he is, but some people can't change. My Husband was abused as a child and has anger from it and at his Mother for not helping themselves get out of it. My husband does throw things when He gets angry, but would never hit me or his daughter. I told him, if U ever!I mean EVER layed a hand on me, I'm out :) He never did, or will. But u need to protect yourselves. Counseling isn't always the answer or helps. Follow your heart and soul! Your soul will tell u if you need to leave to protect youself. What kinds of stuff is He doing? How is He treating u horribly? and the kids?
    Hesmynavyman

    Answer by Hesmynavyman at 10:08 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • When do you find the strength? When he goes from beating you to your children? When y our children find you 1/2 beaten to death on the floor?

    I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but sometimes tough love is called for in a situation like this. You can not just think of yourself you need to think about your children. Even if he never touches them physically he is mentally hurting them. The strength should come from looking into your childrens eyes and hearts and see ing how this hurts them and get them out of there to a safe zone. He obviously can not change and will not change what is there to stick around for? I know it's tough and it's scary to leave but what happens when "one day" comes to late?
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 10:08 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Your not stupid for giving him the chance. You were being true to yourself and to your children by giving him a chance. Now you know that he can't change. No regrets, No might have beens, No doubts that you didn't try hard enough.
    You are strong enough to leave! I know you are because if you weren't you wouldn't have left the first time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I agree with the PP for the record, you're not stupid and love blinds us all, but sometimes reality will show through love
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 10:11 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • If he hit you once, he will always hit you. He is sick, he need help not you. Get out, and stay out, he will never change.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 10:12 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Each time you go back it gets worse bc these guys find the need to punish you for leaving in the first place so find the strength bc if you don't you could die. He may not stop before killing you. Is that what you want for your kids? I knew I'd die if I stayed so I had to leave again.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:20 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

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