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How to have "THE TALK" with my son

He's 9, soon to be 10, year old ....

Where do I start? How do I go about this.

I'm not ready for this... I walked in, after knocking, on him "playing with himself in the shower this evening.. He told DH and I that it was his new shower game... Ok, so now what...

I have been Googling this stuff for the last few hours, and feel overwhelmed by it all.


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Asked by midnitesun at 10:59 PM on Nov. 1, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (22 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Age appropriate facts. Print off a diagram or two detailing the differences between male and female (doesn't have to be really detailed or anything, but enough to get the point across). Explain what eggs and sperm are, explain why his new shower game feels good and what it's actually called (masturbation, don't use a euphimism). Tell him that it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that sex is nothing to be ashamed of, and that he should come to you with any questions. Don't get all embarrassed or he'll think it's shameful. Be matter of factly and you shouldn't have any problems.

    I don't know why we have such a hard time with this conversation in our culture. After all... we all have sex lol... or we woudln't need to!

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:17 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • For me we took my son out and started talking about biological parents and that sort of thing. Then I used napkins. I rolled on into a ball and the other into a straighter form to represent sperm and egg.

    We talked about the sperm and egg coming together to make a baby, after talking and having him ask any questions he wanted I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to know. He said, I understand it all I just want to know how the sperm and the egg come together. So I told him how it was done. He just looked at me with the funny face and said "Really?"

    I think you just have to be honest and let them lead the discussion. I agree with Ati 13, it is something that is normal that everyone does. I would truth and tell him how you feel and what you think.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:16 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • if he is not asking questions, there really shouldn't be any reason for a talk. kids start playing with themselves way before 9. leave him alone with himself in the shower, he has alot to figure out.

    Answer by jewjewbee at 8:18 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • jewjewbee, I disagree. Kids don't always ask questions, but the sex talk is SOOO important. You start with the basics early, so they are informed and not kept in the dark. Then you continue having the talk from time to time as they get older, eventually to include emotional reasons people have sex, what sex means to different parties (it usually means more to women than to men, for example) and you get more detailed about parts of the body (like describing how sperm makes its way into the ejaculate and where the rest of it comes from... the prostate for those of you who don't know lol and what role the clitoris plays in sexual relations), as well as teh phases of the menstrual cycle. I feel it's VERY important that kids be fully informed about their bodies and the bodies of the opposite sex. I don't believe in waiting until they start asking... what if they never do? Or only ask after the fact?

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:46 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • CONT

    It also needs to be said that kids need to know the reasons to wait to have sex. Including STD's unplanned pregnancy, contraception failure, emotional consequences and earning a bad reputation. All of that is super important for kids to know (not at 9, of course, but on down the road).

    Be a responsible parent, everyone, and talk with your kids! I know it can be hard, but that's what we do... we labored and gave birth, we got through the sleepelss nights and the colick and the terrible twos... we can do this! This is no harder than any of that.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:48 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Hubby should have the masterbation talk.

    My hubby even told our son (he is much older than yours) that it is a good way to stay out of trouble with the girls. That it is a better choice then having sex at a young age. (hubby meant alone not having the girl do that to him - LOL)

    I was told the conversation happened... but I was not part of it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • My DS was 9 when my sister got pregnant with her 3rd child and he was adamant about knowing how the baby got in there I told him I was not really prepared to talk to him about it and needed a few days. During that time I went ot Barnes and Noble and got a book about sex written for kids his age it really helped serve as a "guide" for our talks. BUT DO NOT just order any old book off a website they are so varied in detail that you really need to go to the store and look through the pages to find the one you are comfortable with. I am very open with DS (now 16) about sex and knew going into it that I would be, but one of the books I even thought was on the edge of cartoon porn!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I agree with Anon :51.

    Answer by Pnukey at 3:12 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Try finding a book appropriate for his age then have him sit down and read it with you and your dh then ask him if he has any questions. Also when looking for the book don't just buy the first book you see. Actually take the time to look through it and see if it has most of the information you feel your son is ready to hear about. If there is something that isn't in the book you feel you should tell your son now ask your hubby to do most of the explaining but be there when he does explain it. This is what we did with my ds. Good Luck!!

    Answer by momof21993 at 6:32 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

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