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Fed Up with My Sister

Okay guys...sibling rivalry here going on well into adulthood here. Here's the deal...basically I am sooo fed up with my sister and need a place to vent because I probably won't say anything to her and if I did it won't change anything anyways. She has four beautiful kids and a loving (yet, not perfect, he does treat her like crap sometimes) husband struggling with money to say the least...would have lost their home several times if not for my parents. They both went bankrupt before, are going bankrupt yet again. Here's the deal: the reason they go bankrupt is b/c they are both sooo selfish. They constantly use any money they get working for themselves and then cry that they are poor. They go out drinking all the time, eating out all the time, they buy Mcdonalds at least one if not 2-3 x day for kids. They just recently bought themselves costumes and went out but could not "afford" to buy there 2 yr old a costume.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:35 PM on Nov. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Its me----my parents no longer help them out because after many years they realized how selfish they are and they are going bankrupt themselves from helping my sister out sooo much but they still cry poor to my parents, my grandmother (who bless her heart always falls for it and hands over money) and all of their siblings. "no lunch money for kids, no money for kids clothes, no money for childcare, no money for school activities.." the father recently got a DUI and lost his license for a yr. And NO I am not jealous, i have aloving husband, 3 great kids and am not rich but not struggling. I am, as well, as my other siblings sooo tired of hearing this over and over. My sister goes tanning/gets her nails done/ always has namebrand clothes, u name it but has no money for the kids and constantly whines to everyone including myself. Any suggestions??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • I can't really see how this affects you. I know it is frustrating watching other people making mistakes.... but what exactly is she doing to hurt you? Where is the sibling rivarly? Because of her husband and kids? Focus on what is good in your life, on your beautiful child(ren).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • it affects me because MY parents are going bankrupt now, my grandmother is in good health and may live another 10-15 years and will NOT have money to survive on for that long; my grandfather already passed. It's a neverending c y cle with her and then I have to listen to my parents complain to me that they also have no money as well as from my sister and her 9 y.o. daug'hter calls mes up and complains too "my daddy took my allowance/birthday money to go drink." and I love her 4 kids, it hurts me to see them like that. I mean it's just soooo aggravating, usually I try to brush it off...i was just reaching out to see if anyone had any good responses to this; this has been going on for at least 5 years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Your parents and grandmother are adults. They can make decisions for themselves. Tell them straightforward what you are seeing and how you feel. They have to decide whether or not to continue giving these people money. As for your sister. Talk to her or write her a note and let her know how sad it makes you to see her kids suffering because of their parents' stupidity. Unfortunately they most likely won't change unless it is life threatening.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I would just try to ignore it. It;s sad but what can you do? You can offer to come get her kids and let them play with yours for a day on a weekend, and make your home a refuge for them if you want. And if you're visiting their house and they begin to complain, leave. I don't know how to go about it when they're at your house.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 1:05 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I am close with my sisters and I totally would not hesitate to call them out. I mean, I do say things to my sisters now - and sometimes, depending on the topic, I am gentle. But I understand what you're saying - even though it's not your PERSONAL business, it's still affecting you. That would make me SO angry that I would probably SAY something to my sister. The only thing that would stop me the chance of NOT seeing my nieces and nephews, you know?I'd get everything I'd want to address together (I love making lists) and tell her.
    Blubuni99

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 1:35 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • This is hard.
    But i feel that if you really want to help out you might gently offer to take care of her children for a while. They seem to be her excuse for everything. Tell her it looks like she does a good job taking care of herself but that it's clear she might need help with the kids. But say it in a gentle way. ...only do this if you can back it up of course. ...But it would be good for the kids (or at least that's how it sounds) and your sister and her DH would learn something.
    That's the best advice i got for you.
    People need to STOP giving them money. And it seems the only way that will happen is if someone takes care of those kids.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:43 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

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