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Tricky question for you all

A friend and I had a end all relationship fight. (her husband tried to hit me with a car because I was helping her move out after he beat her in front of her kids, and the next day she went back to him and wants me to forgive him also) The question is , she has some very nice clothes of mine that I lent her and she has flat out refused to give them back, I worried over this for a bit, & finally figured, they are just clothes, who cares. Well, she has been calling saying we have some of her stuff (some computer cords) and how petty it is we are holding it "hostage". I don't have anything she is mentioning, and she must have found it in storage, cause she quit calling a few days ago. Today we have found some of her kids toys that they left, now do we A) give it to them without a word? B) tell her we will trade for the clothes? or C) keep them since she hasnt missed them yet and leave it be since she FINALLY quit calling?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 PM on Nov. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • OP here...To explain a bit about the clothes, it is half of my "professional" wardrobe and I had already been asking for them back before our argument cause my husband got laid off and I am having to go back to work. This is clothes that I truly need and can not afford to replace at this time giving no income untill my husbands unemployment goes through. This is not like I can easily do without and it not affect my life to ignore it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • keep them or leave them at her house
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Nov. 1, 2009

  • Call the cops on that POS! Why didn't you do that already??? He tried to kill you! Do you not understand that? If some one doesn't intervene now he will most likely end up killing her and maybe their kids. He obviously has it in him. If he can beat her and try to kill you, then he is capable of killing her and their kids. This issue is about waaayy more than some material things (clothes, toys, etc) this is about life or death. Don't believe me? Google domestic violence. Thousands upon thousand of hits will come up about men killing their families. Someone has to help those poor kids and you are the one who can.
    aprilmommy123

    Answer by aprilmommy123 at 12:02 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Try trading for the clothes, after wards kindly ask her to stop calling you.
    lilbit837

    Answer by lilbit837 at 12:03 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I'd email and list what you have of hers, and list what she has of yours. See if she can come by on a certain date and time to swap.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 1:03 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I agree with the other post, your friend is pushing you away because she is afraid, maybe? Obviously she is afraid of her husband if he beats her and then tries to kill you. You should go back to the original problem here, if she is/was such a great friend you would try to help her still even if she's being a pain in the rear. Sorry about this situation, it sounds very tough to deal with. I hope that your friend leaves his abusing butt! and that you can reconcile your friendship.
    IAmFreeToDance

    Answer by IAmFreeToDance at 1:25 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • You tried to help her out and now she wants to be a bitch to you about some computer cords? Hmmm. Sounds like she is a drama queen and she and her hubby probably deserve each other. You are better off not being involved in her crazy life. It's very sad. There isn't going to be any happy ending in that household. You can try to get your things by telling her that you will bring a sherrif over to her house to get your things. She may comply and give you your stuff, because chances are they don't want the police coming to the house. People who live in chaos usually have other dirt to hide. If that doesn't work, just cut your losses, the clothes and the friendship for good. You will get over it. They have nice clothes for real cheap at Ross.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 1:58 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Given the circumstances with the dh I would say gather her things and have a cop excourt you in exchanging them for your clothes. Explain every thing to the cops and I mean every thing. What she has what her dh did ect. I day this because if you don't returning them can be dangerous for you I you go alone. I'm sorry you are going through this. Good luck.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 3:06 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Put the toys in a bag & sit them on her porch without saying a word. Hopefully she will return your clothes but it doesn't sound like it so forget them. Give her all that is hers without expecting anything in return, however, wash your hands of the relationship until she gets help other than from you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • OP here - this is in response to what alot of you and especially aprilmommy123 had to say about her. The cops have been involved. When he trie to hit me it was because she was in court filing for emergency custody and I wen tto pick their daughter up from schol for her, the school had to call the cops because the child had a protective order out on him, along with the mom. But their were no witnesses to when he tried to hit me and he didnt actually do it so they couldnt do anything about it, I think it was just laziness, but what can I do about it? They gave him a warning on violating the protective order, and told him to leave. I called the police dept to see if they could go with me to get my stuff and they said it was a civil matter and take her to court. The abuse has gone on for over a year in that house, and I have no doubt that it will continue, that is part of the reason we are not talking, she went back knowing this
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

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