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Should I make amends with my family?

Long story short, I was sexually abused as a child by my father and two of my brothers. My sister was abused by my father and one of my brothers.

My sister basically uses me and we had a huge falling out where she said I needed anger management and I told her she uses me and I had the right to get angry. We haven't seen each other since, about a year ago.

My brother has seen my youngest child once since he was born and it aggravates me because I know he is choosing the brother that abused me over me and I don't know what to say to that. I invited him to my son's birthday party and he does live semi far away, but he was in town and chose not to come.

Is it healthier to just cut ties with these people or should I try to make amends?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on Nov. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • What could you possibly have to make amends for? It sounds like they're the ones who should be trying to make amends with you!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Please free yourself of these people. What you have gone through with these people is to much. You are an adult now with a little boy. You need to start living for yourself and your son, not them. I would also suggest long term councilling to help you understand whats happened and how to help yourself.
    Unfortunately you cannot change people. You will never be able to change them. You can forgive them, which is part of the healing process, but then you need to respect yourself and your new family by moving on. Believe me, trying to help, understand and communicating with your family will only bring constant disapointment and rage as well as a lot of resentment.
    Forgive them, and let them go. You owe that to yourself.

    Answer by dayle7 at 2:24 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I used to beat myself up trying to get my parent to iike me. I was just never good enough didn't do anything right. Finally I decided I was worth more to me than I could ever be worth to them. We act like neighbors on planned get togethers now and we don't discuss personal issues. Now we laugh because I am comfortable with who I am and my own selfworth and value. I don't ask them why and what anymore because now I know who's worthy of the best of life which is respect in one's self and that person is me.

    First and Always respect and treasure you. Then your child who can not fend for themselves. Then your partner if the respect and love is returned. Then before or after your partner honor, love those who've love you countless times and to whom you've given that love back.

    Answer by lfl at 2:27 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Read the story of Joseph in the bible. His brothers sold him off but later came before him (not knowing it was him) starving & needing food. Joseph was in great power & he knew it was his brothers but he did not reveal himself. He TESTED them to make sure their hearts had changed & then he told them. Joseph did not go looking for his brothers but God brought them to him. Joseph was not stupid enough to just throw himself at his brothers, he tested them. Read the story....

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:18 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I agree with anon:18. I have a similar situation with my family. You have done all you can and now it's time for the family to make things right with you! Personally, I have cut ties with my siblings. My long story short is that my siblings have treated me like I'm lower than dirt for most of my life. We are not here for other's use, we are here for God's use! God has a plan for all of us, and I don't think being abused in any way, shape or form is in His plan!

    Answer by Robsmommy at 8:32 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • YES-- it healthier to just cut ties with these people. They may do it to your kids. MOVE ON.

    What if all these men that abused you where not family would call them up and invite them to you kids B-Day party? I'm sure NO.

    Answer by gammie at 9:55 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

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