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my life has turned to crap.

ok as alot of you know my cousin who was my best friend died wed. and we had her funeral fri. so my boyfriend took off work to be there for me, and my son 15. my son and i are recovering alcholics, and me drug addict. after the funeral we all went back to my cousins house, and everyone was drinking and smoking pot. i trusted my son with everyone there to behave him self. i went to go check on my aunt. i came back and i ended up drinking a few sips of beer, and taking few zanax. well i left my son that night with 3 of my cousins kids and there friends house and i came back home. then saturday at 1:30am i got a call from my son. the cops had picked him up and took him to my moms and gave him a ticket for minor in poss. of alchol. everyone there got one. he told me they just couldn't handle sandra being dead. i did get on to him, but i feel bad because i'm screwing up also cause i can't (cont. below)

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Asked by okc-mom-2 at 10:53 AM on Nov. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • handle it, and am taking pills to try and cope with the pain. i have to go nov. 9 for his court date. he is paying for his own fine, cause he is working now. what should i do. i know i need to stop taking the pills, but how do i help him deal with it when i can't even deal with it. please don't bash saying i'm a bad mom, because i know i'm not being a very good mom right now.

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 10:56 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Not being able to cope with someone dying is a cop out. You would be able to quit doing drugs and drinking if you really wanted to.I've overcome many things-it's mind over matter.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 11:01 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • You say you are a recovering addict.... Does that mean you got treatment? at a facility I mean, or at the very least a 12-step program... If you did, they should have instilled in you a sense of support and coping skills to deal with your triggers that cause you to use. Contact your sponsor. Contact a counselor. Call a crisis intervention hotline. You need to talk to someone professional to get you back on track. I think at the very least you need to find a grief support group, or a 12-step (AA?) meeting in your area and get there. NOW. It will be so much easier for you to admit you slipped up when it was just a slip, and not a full-on relapse. Just the fact that you can realize you need help to deal with your loss and grief is encouraging. But if you begin to self medicate w/drugs and alcohol, the addict brain takes over and you may fall back into your old ways. Please, get help today. Find some support and take your son too

    Answer by ChandaAnna at 11:14 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • i have been clean from meth for 5 years now and alchol for 5 years also. i am taking the zanax to cope with everything, it may be a cop out to some of you moms. i agree, but it is how i'm dealing with it right now. i haven't taken any today, but i'm trying to just keep busy, but this is the first day i have been alone since her death. it is very hard. like i said she was my best friend(cousin) the only one i could talk to about anything, and evrything. now i have nobody i really want to talk to about this. everyone tries to but i can't talk to them because they have lost there family member also.

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 11:14 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • You can talk to me i have been right where you are at and i know how your feeling. Please email me and talk to me i will be your there for you.

    Answer by raemommy at 11:35 AM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • thats why I said to find a support group or a counselor. Their job is to help you cope. In d&a treatment they talk about FEELING pain not masking it. I know it sucks. But when you are on drugs they mask the pain and issues you are feeling till its too much trouble and pain to actually feel anything. The drugs take over and you feel nothing but high. Not good, not bad, just high. When you sober up, you have to feel your emotions, and its hard. But you learn to cope with the bad stuff, and appreciate the good. Focus on good things. Im not religious but maybe if you are look to your faith. Something. You must feel the grief not mask it with xanax. I know you can do the right things and if you have been clean for 5 yrs. know your cousin had to be proud of you for overcoming that addiction. What would she think if she knew you relapsed because of her death? You need to talk to someone. Even if it is raemommy. Someone. Anyone

    Answer by ChandaAnna at 12:09 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • If your family is struggling with the loss of a loved one and having a hard time, there is such thing as grief therapy. You are using this persons death as a way to enable yourselves to abuse drugs and boose. These things will only amplify your problems in the end. If you are aware your life is a mess..admiting you have problems is a good first step, then I suggest you seek help from doctors and therapy, not drugs. Life is not for pussy's. It would be so easy for me to crawl to the bottom of a liquor bottle when things get rough....but I have a responsibility to my family. If I need help, then I ask for it and get it. I do not use my problems as an excuse to do drugs or be a bad mom. Seek help in the proper places. It is out there.

    Answer by salexander at 12:52 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

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