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Should I tattle? Adult friends.

T and J are married. They have a 38 year old son A. Last summer T's brother passed away and left him a nice house and lots of other stuff. T and J live out of state, and A can't leave state because he's on felony probation due to his years of drug problems. A also has a 5 y/o daughter in state. TnJ are in the deciding if they're going to move back (sounds like they will). Mean while they are letting son A live at their house with the rules that he's not allowed to have anyone over because his friends are druggies, and he doesn't practice very good judgement. As far as we know, he's been clean since last summer.
Anyhow, TnJ ask us to keep an eye on their house and son. We don't live in the same town and stopped by to borrow the bathroom and found the house full of undesirable type people, beer bottles and condoms everywhere, and the house all together trashed. I didnt notice anything obvious missing.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Nov. 2, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Can you tell the parents without them letting on that you told? Tell them you are concerned and what you saw and that he begged you not to tell. They may be able to come up with a way to handle the situation without dragging you into it. Could they make a surprise visit and see for themselves?

    Answer by ria7 at 2:35 PM on Nov. 2, 2009


    But tell only what you know first hand.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Yes you should tell. They asked you to watch the house. Tell on his LOSER ass.

    Answer by Mrs.Oriaku at 12:55 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • So the son, who is also sort of a friend begs us not to tell his parents. His parents are our good friends. How should I handle this?


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Yes.

    Answer by Pnukey at 12:56 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • i'd tell. you were asked to keep tabs on the house, you agreed. you need to tell. if not, then at least go to A, tell him that he has a week to clean up the house- and his act- and if not, then you will be telling his parents. when you go to tell him that, i'd take pics of the house as is- with the condoms, people, bottles, etc. and then take pics a week later- hopefully he'll have it cleaned up, but if not, at least his parents are notified of their situation.

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 12:58 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I would sit and talk with the son, he knows he could go back to jail if his probation officer came by, I would drop by again after talk and look at the state of the house, if he has not cleaned up his act--tell your friends, one question does the 5 year old live with the son, if so I would not pass go and tell your friends immediately!

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:59 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • No the daughter doesn't live with him. The biggest reason they're letting him stay is so he'll have a safe place for visitation on the weekends. She started Kindergarden this year.

    Can anyone think of a way for me to let TnJ know without exactly telling them? I don't want to have A pissed off at me if I can help it.

    Thank you for all your responses!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • So, you were asked to keep an eye on the house, and you are wondering if they want you to tell them what is happening? Were you under the impression that you were doing this for A? Or, perhaps, 'keep an eye on' is just a phrased that means 'look at' not 'report what you see'?

    You can back out of the job, if you like --'sorry, I'm not going to be able to watch for you, perhaps you can find someone more courageous to do what they said they'd do' or whatever...

    Think of the facts: if T&J appear at the house, they'll know everything you know. How will they find out without you telling them? By showing up.

    So, when they show up, they'll know. Do they have to say 'she told us'?

    A has gotten himself into this pickle, I'd suggest simply because no one has ever helped him learn how to say 'no' to whatever his dumb 'friends' feel like doing.

    If you're really afraid of his wrath, invite him to stay at your house.

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:12 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I'd tell them. If he's doing drugs, selling, etc in the house then there's always a chance that the home could end up being confiscated by the police. The damage being done will also add up. I'd much rather know the cold hard truth then have it sugar coated.

    Answer by baconbits at 1:13 PM on Nov. 2, 2009