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25 - 35 Moms: It seems to me that your generation feels marriage and children are decisions independant of each other?

I know many young women who decide to have babies, then maybe get married or marriage plans fall through. Is it my perception that first comes love, then marriage, then the baby carriage is no longer considered mainstream? I know it is traditional but almost seems to be the exception now.

 
manna1qd

Asked by manna1qd at 3:57 PM on Jun. 24, 2008 in Relationships

Level 3 (19 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I started dating my husband when I was 17. We bought a house together when I was 20 Married at 22 and We had our 1st child when I was 27 ......... But my mother always had an open door when it came to sex. My mom took me to get birth controll and explained how having a child young can reflect on my future. I hink parents depend on schools and everyone else to educate there kids on sex and consequences
    maddysmommy907

    Answer by maddysmommy907 at 4:33 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • It is rare these days. Everyone is in a mad rush to start their lives. I think a lot of it has to do with the way the parents raise the children. Compared to 20 years ago, parenting has become more more relaxed...it shouldn't be though! Too many parents leave the sexual education up to the public schools instead of taking things into their own hands.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 4:16 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • I had planned on going the traditional route, but things happen! When we met, it was love at first sight. I ended up getting pregnant quite unexpectedly within the first couple of months. I delivered my daughter at 26 weeks and lost my job and insurance. We had a quickie wedding at the courthouse so I could be added to his insurance. I never wanted a big wedding anyway. Our second anniversary is coming up at the end of June.

    I think tradition has gone out the window. If two people are happy and in love, what difference does it make if they're married or not? It's really just a piece of paper.
    lovinmystar

    Answer by lovinmystar at 4:25 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • I'd say you're right. Women our age (I'm almost 28) are more independent now than they have ever been. We're taught that family does come first, BUT we're also taught to be self-sufficient. So, if we get to a point in our lives where we want to start a family, but there's no GOOD man in our lives, why shouldn't we have the baby first? I know that can complicate things in the future, but why live your life on a bunch of "WHAT IF's"? Also, if an "oops" pregnancy happens, I believe that the parents should NOT get married just because there's a baby in the picture. Marriage should still be about LOVE, nothing else.
    crazysocks830

    Answer by crazysocks830 at 4:29 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • I think its rare now days too. But I am in that age group...Fell in love, got married, and then had kids (in that order). So there are some who still do it that way.
    quinnbee21

    Answer by quinnbee21 at 4:36 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • I don't judge but I think for many young people [that I personally know] Marriage is an after thought once you have a child which is also unplanned I don't know makes me feel like family, and marriage is no longer acceptable I've unbelievabley been told things about my choice to get married, why is it anyone elses problem. It's like we are the minority and looked down on.
    Tayleina

    Answer by Tayleina at 5:21 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • I get the same feeling sometimes too. I didn't intend to be a single mother. It just happened. I wish I had been able to have been married first. It would have been the right thing to do. I am 25 btw. I am married now with 2 kids and I plan to keep it that way.
    Taurie

    Answer by Taurie at 5:40 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • When a pregnancy is not planned, you can't press pause and back up to get things in order. lol. Things happen. Many people have something to say about parents who are not married. But no one says anything about married couples who are not parents. There is no such thing as traditional. There is a such thing as luck though. Some people lucked up and got married before having a bay others got married while pregnant and some just say screw it, I'm living outside the box.
    Queentdi

    Answer by Queentdi at 8:08 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • Also, this behavior can not be put into an age group. When you are between the ages of 25 and 35, you are grown ass men and women. There a lot of unhappy married couples who are going through or thinking about divorce now. Personally i think that marriage is a joke to some people. Getting married is not a standard any more than shaving your arm pits before wearing a halter.
    Queentdi

    Answer by Queentdi at 8:11 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • I think it all depends on the situation- each person is indivisual as is each situation. For example- my parents were divorced- so that made me weary, I did get engaged first- then I was cheated on, got engaged again, cheated on again, so then I just had a baby- THEN got married, because I was SO scared he would cheat- and the baby was a surprise..I really respect woman that CAN do things in order- life works out easier that way...but every situation is different :)
    jessicasea

    Answer by jessicasea at 8:59 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

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