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child's age or lack of parenting skills?

Why is it that when parents want to justify a child's bad behaivor, they blame it on the child's age, and not their own lack of parenting skills?

I've heard so many times things like "he can't be expected to sit in a restraunt, he's only 2 years old", or "he doesn't know how to (whatever), he's only 5 years old".

Now, i'm NOT talking about Infants (18 months and under), i'm talking about toddlers, preschoolers, and young children.

I've seen plenty of two year olds (and younger) who are well behaived, not running around, screaming, or throwing a tantrum, like say in restraunts. I contribute that the good parenting skills.

Others seem to just make excuses for their child's bad behavior...at 2, 3, 4, 5...and so on.

I'm NOT talking about a child with disabilities either. And if i do KNOW the people personally, then yes, i do know if their child doesn't have a disability!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on Nov. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (36)
  • I don't know; mine are the kids that sit in their seats, use their manners, hold hands and don't run all over, but then again I do parent so I know what you're talking about.

    I think it's our lazy society that gives way to lazy parenting. I find it a shame people think it's alright to dummy things down for kids or consider them too young to be taught commonsense and manners, but I find it a bigger shame people try to find any scapegoat possible to explain their poor parenting skills.

    I agree with you, but am very doubtful you'll get any answers as to why there are people out there like this, sorry just figured you'd like to know you're not alone. :-)
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 6:48 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • The ones who's kids are behaving good are having GOOD days.


    The ones who's kids are behaving badly a having BAD days.


    Each one has each, and you're not seeing the whole thing. All kids act up at some point, no matter how you parent them.


     For example - I had lunch with my SO and our daughter the other day, she's 2, she was a dream - she sat still, ate her food, smiled sweetly at the other customers - and got lots oh "Oohs" and "Ahhs" and "Oh what a good girl's".


    We then stopped at the supermarket on the way home, and when she wasn't allowed to buy the book she picked up she decided to scream until we got back home - and I recieved quite a few "Jeez lady, you must be doing something wrong" looks. So. Your theory is flawed, at best.

    ladysavage

    Answer by ladysavage at 5:42 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Usually its parenting skills. It's too bad we don't have more opportunities for people to learn parenting skills.

    Stuff happens even when you have good parenting skills. What may be ok behavior for a parent may not be ok for other people. Its hard to tell if a kid is normal or if there are problems.


    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:43 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Not all children are alike. I have 5. My older 3 were always very calm, well behaved in public. Sat in their chairs at the restaurant. Always held my hand etc. My younger 2..wow...complete opposite! We've had to leave restaurants with our meal only half finished before because one of them threw such a fit about sitting down in a chair! Obviously, I MUST know how to parent since I have 3 before her that act wonderfully in public but these 2 younger ones are just HELL ON WHEELS in public.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • "The ones who's kids are behaving good are having GOOD days.
    The ones who's kids are behaving badly a having BAD days
    So. Your theory is flawed, at best."

    There ya go, more excuses. I'm not saying kids don't act up a little, but if your having more "Bad" days as you call them, maybe you should look into some parenting classes!

    I'm sure i'll get bashed and called "perfect" in a bad way, but my son had more "good days". If we had a problem, we would leave (and go home). This actually never happend. After a calm down in the bathroom (no spanking), my son behaived. I've seen many other mothers with good parenting skills and they don't make excuses when their children act up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:49 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Gaill we all know it was you who posted this question.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I'm sure i'll get bashed and called "perfect" in a bad way, but my son had more "good days". If we had a problem, we would leave (and go home). This actually never happend. After a calm down in the bathroom (no spanking), my son behaived. I've seen many other mothers with good parenting skills and they don't make excuses when their children act up.


    Its sad that all mothers werent born with your brilliant parenting skills.Have you ever thought of writing a book or starting a support group for those that need it?
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:59 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I don't buy it, sorry.

    I've seen abunch of crappy mothers (like, seriously crappy mothers) who have really well behaved kids. I've also seen really great mothers whose kids act up all the time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:03 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • My son is very intense. He has his moments and he can be good too. I discipline my child and I'm perfectly happy with him. Not all children are quiet/timid. All children have different personalities and I'm sorry a two year old isn't a whole lot different then an 18 month old. You obviously have one of the quiet kids and just assume that because you think your kid is perfect everyone else has to have a kid just like your little precious. Sorry if you believe in the whole children should be seen and not heard. I don't believe that at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:06 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • Toddlers are ALL different. Yes SOME 2 year olds will sit at a resturant wihtout wanting to walk around, some toddlers can go to a store without throwing a fit. I had one of each, one child was very easy going, the other not so much, and to tell you, I am an AMAZING parent. Kids are different. The kids that have poor parents are the parents that let their toddlers be destructive in stores and resturants, I've seen it, and while their children are ripping open packages, breaking toys, taking everything off the shelves, letting their children run amuck, they are just ignoring them THAT is poor parenting
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 6:17 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

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