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Can you be friends with someone who stands for everything you don't believe in?

I have a friend who I guess you can say is all about herself instead of her kids. She is online begging in groups to help her kids out at christmas because they don't have the money to buy anything, yet they go out to the bars every weekend. She is on craigslist asking for people to donate stuff to her since she is pregnant again because she can't afford to buy stuff herself yet everyday they have the money to buy cigarettes and everything else. I don't believe in using people for things like this, I could see if they really need the help, but they have the money to go to the bars every weekend and buy smokes daily so why can't they put a little money aside to help with christmas and everything else instead of begging people to donate to them? She smokes during pregnancy which I despise but not my body and she is already begging the doctor to induce her at 38 weeks (like with her other kids) because (to be cont)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on Nov. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • (continued) she is "tired" of being pregnant already. Her house is filthy nasty (not just clutter like she hasn't done dishes in 3 weeks filthy, if CPS was ever called they would DEFINETLY take her kids away it's that bad) I don't believe in doing any of these things. She says she doesn't have time yet she sits on the computer all day and does nothing. I am not asking her to change, it's her life, I just don't want to be apart of or know of the poor choices she makes. My husband keeps telling me to lose her as a friend b/c everything she does, I would never do myself. How do I just drop her and tell her to leave me alone? I feel bad but I hate seeing what she puts her kids through even more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • No. I have to respect my friends.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:34 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • There are two ways you can go. You can be direct and tell her exactly what you've said here.

    Or be indirect and just make yourself unavailable. Don't take her calls, don't answer her e-mails, don't have time when she comes over.

    The sad thing, though, is that her kids could probably use your influence in their lives.

    I'd be sorely tempted to call CPS.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 7:48 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • there is a big difference between someone standing for things i do nto agree with, or believe in. and neglect/abuse...

    i have several friends whom i simply agree to disagree with, but where kids are involved... they deserve the right to normalcy (however THAT may look), which is why i snapped out of my bad situation. i can not condone child abuse or neglect.

    you can tell her how you feel- or you can avoid her- or you can keep on keeping on, none of those choices seem easy... because they aren't.

    i would also be tempted to call CPS if their living conditions are so bad... think what those kids lives must be like!!
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 7:58 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I am tempted to call CPS,but since her mother threatened that she somewhat cleaned her house this past weekend. I don't want to tell her what to do but I do feel bad for the kids as they are ones that have to suffer. I feel like waiting it out a couple weeks until her house is horrible again and then call. I just want them to have a better life than what they are being given. They are constantly sick all the time which she blames allergies for, but they have mold growing UNDER their carpet, it's disgusting. When I asked her about it she just gives the excuse that they don't have the money to take the flooring up. I am not her mom so I refuse to tell her what to do, but I don't want her kids living in those kids of conditions either. Thank you for your advice I appreciate it very much :-)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I would for sure call CPS. No child should live in conditions like that and she certainly shouldn't smoke during pregnancy or around kids at all ( I really think drinking and smoking if you have kids in your house should be illegal). And being induced at 38 weeks can be hazardous.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 8:34 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • I have had friends like this in the past and gradually weened them out of my life. I cut phone calls short and was "busy" when she wanted to get together, would take my time returning her calls, etc... She also was Neglecting her kids, smoked while pregnant and her house was so disgusting I could no longer go there to visit her - I did eventally make a anonymous phone call to CPS, I had to do it for the kids, I seriously thought one of them would get injured or sick from being in there (she had overflowing cat litterboxes and allowed the cats to eat off of the stove, table, etc...). She never told me if CPS called but her and her husband spent 1 week somewhat cleaning their home. It was liveable after that, not clean, clean but good enough that her kids would not be in danger. She did keep it in somewhat of a decent condition from that point on. I think if you are truly worrried about the children, make an anonymous call.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • If you think CPS would take her children away then you have to call. She isn't really being a friend to you is she?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

  • You guys are right I am making the call tomorrow, sad thing is she knows that her kids would get taken away b/c she has mentioned it. I thank everyone of you for the advise you offered I will be taking it to heart and making a stand for the kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on Nov. 2, 2009

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