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International vs. domestic adoption

Yet again I have just read in a post about how a couple chose international adoption because of a fear that women in domestic infant adoption were coerced.

Do you really think that women in other countries arent coerced? The things that women have suffered in other countries that cause them to place their babies pales in comparison to the US, we can even imagine it.

Dont adopt in America for FEAR of coercion and instead go to another country and remove all doubt with definate coercion? I dont get it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:41 AM on Nov. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (48)
  • I believe that it is my post that you read... please let me clarify what I mean by that...
    There is a difference in the US and China.. In the US, these expectant moms have every possibility of parenting. They have the resources, the education, the support of WIC, etc. In China- they do not. Period. It is against the law in China to have a second child. That is not coercion. The gov't is not telling them they will be a saint if they relinquish their child or that someone else could better care for their child.
    In China a woman cannot get married until 25, then must have a license to get pregnant. If they do not have a license, they can be fined, jailed, the baby could be aborted by gov't officials, or they can run with the child, but then the child has no future because they have no BC. That means no education, no job, etc.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:13 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • You know, sometimes I think on this forum we try to "nicely fit" DIA, Foster car and Inter'l adoptions into little columns, as to why NOT to adopt. DIA=Coercion/parents change mind,expenses lost, IA=Expense/Wait/Coercion, Foster=Bond/Lose child/repeat,no guarantee of adoption ever. Frankly, sometimes it seems that with the LUMPING together of all of these very important, accurate, truthful facts, that adoptive parents are condemned from the beginning. We keep forgetting, or maybe you don't know, that for an adoptive parent (at least me) it's not about saving the world. It's about making a difference in the life of ONE child (or two or more). It's about SPECIFIC childrens' lives. When I went into foster care, I knew that there may be many, but I was in it for the ONE that God would place long-term with us. How a person decides to build their family SHOULD NOT be questioned here. PLEASE STOP JUDGING PEOPLE!
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:21 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Yes, there are countries that have coercion. Due to laws beyond their control, Chinese families are not typically coerced.
    There were several reasons why we chose IA or DIA. That is only one miniscule reason.
    We also don't like the competition to be chosen in DIA, we don't trust our county or state for FA either. We have personal experience with it through my BIL's family. They tried for 6 years with no placement because they are white and make too much money. They were told this by the state and their SW. They have also waited 4 years with no placement through DIA.
    Do I wish that China had other laws? Heck yeah. Do I understand their laws? To an extent. I've done a ton of research on China, their culture, laws, etc.
    Feel free to ask questions.. I need to go see what havoc my girls have wreaked in the 1 yr old's room.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:21 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I dont understand why someone would adopt a child from another country when there are so many children here that need to be adopted. And with the celebrities doing it its more of a fad then anything. That and there are the people who say "i want a real chineese baby" Or "a real african baby" when we have so many children of different races here in the US. But thats just my opinion.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I am sorry for whatever that has happened in your life that causes this to be a burden for you, but I believe you are talking about mcginnisc's response to how she chose her path. She states that from 16 she knew that she wanted to adopt from China. God may have put this in her heart early to prepare her years later for her EXACT, SPECIFIC child. God knows all things, past, present, and future. There IS a plan. She stated why she disregarded foster care and DIA, which could be NOTHING MORE than solidifying in HER mind why that China was the direction that she was to choose. It's not as simple as "e-moms being coerced", etc. That attributed to her helping her to being comfortable with this route of adoption. People could debate all day long about the pros and cons of DIA, Int'l, and foster care adoption, or ethics of adoption in general. But please don't choose one person's journey to make a soap box out of.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:28 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • mcginnisc, I am sorry if I have put words in your mouth, and I know that some here may not even believe in "divine intervention" and I really didn't intend to preach. I also apologize for the tone of my posts but this is something that hits home with me personally, as I'm sure, OP, this whole "went to another country...." hits home with you. I just wish that we might understand each other as WOMEN better, instead of WHY DID YOU..... (steps downs off soap box, grabs coffee.)

    Again, I'm sorry if I offended either OP or mcginnisc. Humble apology.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:33 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Anon- seriously?? You don't HAVE to understand.. it's really none of your business why anyone choose's to build their family through DIA, FA, or IA. It is each family's decision. Period.
    1.) Both of us knew at 16 that we wanted to adopt from China.
    2.) Our first dd died and we were not in a place that we could foster and relinquish that child to be reunited with their family.
    3.) There are not " thousands" of children available for adoption here. That is almost laughable. Do you know that TPR has to be signed in order for a child to be available. Did you know that unfortunately, more than half the kids in the system will never have TPR signed?
    Foster care is for reunification...period.It is not built for adoption.
    4.) DIA- there are more parents waiting for a child, than children being placed.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:36 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Please do not belittle my child by calling her a fad. We did not adopt from China as a fad. Did you know that by China law, an adoptive parent MUST be 30 before they will accept a dossier? Probably not since it doesn't seem like you know much about adoption. That means that we researched this for 14 years before beginning the process. We are in our mid 30's now. We've been home for 2.5 years with our daughter.
    Did you know that Meg Ryan waited 4 years before adopting Daisy from China? Does that count as a fad? If so, that is a long time to wait for a fad.
    My child is a wonderful, loving, beautiful, intelligent, sassy little girl. She is also very much loved and adored by everyone.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:40 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Doodle- no apology necessary!
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:44 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • They have the resources, the education, the support of WIC, etc. In China- they do not. Period. It is against the law in China to have a second child. That is not coercion. The gov't is not telling them they will be a saint if they relinquish their child or that someone else could better care for their child.


    Isnt that the point? In the US, they had other options and they CHOSE adoption, in China, they didnt make a choice, they were forced. Do you think it hurts less when you are forced to surrender a child you badly want to parent than when you make a choice to surrender a child that you badly want to parent. The bmom hurts in both the same.  

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

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