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how to deal with absent grand parents!

a grandfather and a grand mother making NO effort to know they're grandson, he's 16 months old... how should I deal with this, other then what I've alrd done, that's making an effort with pictures, emails and a few invites..calls to grandmother are costly she's in the U.S we're in Canada. The Grandfather is a 20 min drive away, and has seen him 4x since his birth. I'm so frustrated, what should I do?? I feel so bad for my son..he's losing out on knowing them, and I don't want this to hurt him in the future. His grandfather also see's his other grand child once a month, and goes out of his way to do so...why is he doing this, there's no reason for it that I can think of. Advice please, lol.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Nov. 3, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (9)
  • It's just his personality. Try inviting him over - even once a week. If you take the initiative he may find himself more involved.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:38 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I am dealing with the same...I look at it like this, my child is well loved by me and those who are in her life...the g-parents that are missing out will wake up one day and realize what they've lost since she will be old enough to make the decision to accept them into her life or go on without them. I don't force my MIL to see my daughter. She will miss it one day and I don't want my DD to think that I 'make' her g-ma see her.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:40 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Don't stress over it. Seriously.

    My FIL lives here in town. He owns the property on which we live, so he comes over and takes care of the yard and driveway. He will come and do his work, but he rarely stops in to the house to visit the boys, if I let them out, he ignores them most of the time. When he does feel like being "grandpa" he has a nice visit, tells the boys "I'll see you tomorrow, I have to come back over" and then DOESN'T SHOW UP. My kids are old enough to understand when they are lied to. FIL isn't worth the effort or even giving him the time of day. I don't keep the boys from him, but I will no longer make any effort for him to see them....ever. I'm done.

    If you keep worrying about it, you'll be in my shoes one day....dealing with a heartbroken little boy.

    Don't keep Grandpa from seeing the baby, but don't make any extra efforts. It's not worth it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I've tried to invite him, we've put the invitation out for sooo long, he just couldn't be bothered!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • You can't force people to have a relationship with your child. All you can do is make your child accessible, invite them to birthday celebrations, special days etc.. GL

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:43 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • to anon "don't stress over it, seriously"

    When did your son's start to ask about him...not showing up or seeing him more..I'm so worried it will hurt my son!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I'm the "don't stress" anon...

    My youngest is two and asks. He knows when grandpa's car is out there and asks if grandpa is going to come visit. Too often, he shows up as we have to leave to pick up the oldest from school. My middle son won't even call him or refer to him as "grandpa" any more...he's "daddy's dad". My oldest is 5. When FIL does show up, my son doesn't even talk to him any more. Both him and the middle one ask me already why grandpa lies..."Isn't it bad to lie? Why does grandpa lie to us? Mommy you should tell him to stop and make him stand in the corner"

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • give it some time. It is possible they just aren't comfortable with babies and will spend more time as the child gets older? Eventually they will have to make the effort. That's not your job. Offer the invites, send pictures but then leave it. There are plenty of other people your kids can love and be loved by without that stress.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Just keep inviting and don't stress over it. My FIL isn't comfortable until they are about preschool age and doesn't make much of an effort until then so maybe that is the way they are too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

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