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My marriage is falling apart... HELP!!!

I met my husband 6 years ago and it was love at first sight! He was so romantic and went out of his way to make me feel special like sending flowers or a random phone call during the day or even just an email to say I love you. About 4 years ago he was deployed to Iraq for a second tour, 3 months after I got a phone call that he was on a black hawk heading to Germany and had lost his left arm. I didnt even think twice about buying a plane ticket and being next to him in his time of need. Since then he has changed.. I dont get kissed anymore unless I complain for days weeks or months, Im not being touched the way he used to touch me in the bedroom and the little love notes, flowers, and emails have been gone for years. I have talked to him about this but he doesnt see a problem and thinks I am being to demanding. I need help!! How can I save my marriage? we have a 2 yr old and one on the way...I cant do it without him. =(

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Asked by jakobsmommy10 at 12:12 PM on Nov. 3, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • he's probally just feeling insecure, love notes and flowers don't make a relationship my dh don't do that stuff anymore either but there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me and the kids

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Is not even about the flowers etc. He doesnt act like he cares if our marriage is happy or not. He doesnt take the time to come home and say how are you he sits on the couch and turns on the football game and I always go to bed alone. A marriage is about communication and we dont have that, I talk he says hes getting attacked but all Im doing is telling him how I feel about whats going on. I dont think he is in love with me anymore..thats what hurts the most!

    Answer by jakobsmommy10 at 12:36 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Your husband's sense of self was probably greatly affected by what happened to him. When you point out what he perceives to be more weaknesses or lacks within himself, he is moving further and further away from you. If you want him to begin to move back towards you, stop pointing out all the things that you see as being wrong. Start encouraging him by complimenting what he does that you approve of. Be sincere about it. In the beginning, you may have to really think about what you like about him any more. Men need their wives to respect them and encourage them and even to be grateful to them. If you must point out a weakness or failure, it should always be well padded with positive reinforcement. Men crave a peaceful home and they hate dissension. If you are always harping about what you see as being wrong, he is going to try to dull the pain by burying himself in something else and by trying his best to ignore you.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:59 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

    Watch this.... it's a song.... I agree with NannyB.... Your husband has seen alot of stuff.
    My husband has been there when it first took place and this is the song that reminds him what he seen. Be easy on your husband and show love and stand by him. His life has changed and so has yours....

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Is he still active duty? go to family support you guys need counseling. He is prob depressed about things. He needs to deal and come back to his wife and family. Dont leave him or run from your marriage. do what you can to fix it. You should have tricare. go see someone they will cover it.

    Answer by Mrs.Oriaku at 1:51 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Me and my boyfriend haven't even been together for 3 years yet, and it's already worse than that, so you should be grateful. He probaly just needs time, start doing little things for him, and maybe you'll get it back in return over time. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • he sounds so depressed. wont he talk about it? As his wife you can greatly affect his self esteem and his sense of what kind of man he feels like. He probably has Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. That means he relives the horror, he has been traumatized. I am sorry you are going through this. Pray for him and your marriage.

    Answer by stickyfingers at 2:39 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Great song from who ever... Post Traumatic Syndrome sounds correct here.... I'm sorry you and your husband has been through this tuff road. Just try to understand what he has seen and know he does love you still. His mind is wired different now and he is missing a arm. Take it day by day and try to be easy on yourself. Try to put yourself in his shoes. Congrat's on the new baby and I hope when he see's this baby he will jump back into action again. I agree with alot of the post here. This is a touchy question. Has he had help? All I'm hearing about is you here... Give your husband time to enjoy things he never thought was important to him before. Like stickyfingers said, pray for him and your marriage. Things will turn around soon... Just be positive. Ever need to talk I'm here....


    Answer by goldielock37 at 4:01 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Stickyfingers: Yes he has PTSD he goes to the VA once a month to have check-ups. He doesnt have the dreams anymore but it has made him very distant.

    I have done small things and even big things to let him know I care ex: friday night I got my father to watch our 2 yr old. when my husband came home from work I had a suitcase packed and we went to the casinos for a night..I got the room with the hot tub and glass walkin shower, you know the romantic stuff =) I could tell he was happy but as soon as we got back home it was back to unhappy-ville. Maybe it is selfish but I have put my feelings and emotions on hold for so many years and now I want to feel important for once. I have done the PT and OT and living in hotel rooms so he can have the treatment he needed and been mommy and wife and supporter when... is it my turn to have someone on my side??

    Answer by jakobsmommy10 at 4:01 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Goldielock: he has gone to drs to talk but being in the marines they tell them if it didnt kill you it will make you stronger so thats something he lives by. The post is alot about me because I feel like I have given my all but he doesnt see that. He and our son are the center of my world! Im everything mommy wife cook cleaning lady driver and whatever else my husband cant do with one arm I do for him. This isnt just a sudden issue..its been going on for years but I am just finally at a breaking point.

    Answer by jakobsmommy10 at 4:05 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

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