Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is this okay for a friend to do???

I have a friend that is a single mother of three kids. Her exes (father's of her kids are dead beats). She works full time and has a baby w/special needs. Her mom and da help her out but the father's of her kids pay no support at all or anything for that matter.
She is a very dear friend and I have always helped her out by giving her my kids hand me downs when ever I can and think of her kids as my neice and nephews. I have always been pretty fortunate and this Christmas I want to give her a gift card or something plus some new clothes for the kids. I know that she can't do anything for me. Do you think it would be okay or do you think it would be overstepping and maybe make her feel bad??
Thanks for your advice.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Nov. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • no, if you want to do it go for it, she'll be greatful i'm sure

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 12:17 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Alot of single moms generally appreciate any help they may be blessed to get.

    Answer by 3rdDay at 12:20 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I'm in a very similar situation to your friend - my ex doesn't pay child support, and my parents do quite a bit to help me out. If I were her, I would be incredibly grateful to you for such a generous gesture, but I would also feel bad about not being able to reciprocate (did I spell that right? Oh, well). If it were me, I would bake you some cookies or something as a thank you, but I don't really think I would be offended...maybe a bit embarassed, but my kids are more important than my pride, so I would overlook that. I would say unless your friend has too much pride or is very selfish, she'd probably be fine with it.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:21 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I think op's ideas combined with tropicalmama's thoughts on what a return gift of thank you might be are great!!!!!! op maybe you could ask her to watch one of your kids for a while one day so she could have a sense of paying you back? Or ask her advice for s o m e t h i n g - maybe she has good recipes that are delicious that a compliment and request for her to give you the recipe would make her feel like she's 'paying you back' more than the words thank you.

    Paying forward our blessings to those less fortunate - great way to live, op. How Nice!!!!!

    Answer by lfl at 12:33 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • As a mom who has recieved the generosity of others I can say it was deeply appreciated. As long as you don't do it in a prideful "oh I'm gonna help this poor person out" way. And I can tell just by reading your question that you aren't, it would be wonderful. Your friend is lucky to have someone who cares so much.

    Answer by teamquinn at 12:33 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • In general no that would not be overstepping. I mean unless she would have some religious objection to her children recieving a christmas gift and I always LOVE gift cards esp. to stores like Target etc. or even a self-indulgent one (as long as it doesn't expire).
    Single mom's need love too -- actually maybe get her a self-indulge card, I bet she doesn't take the time for herself that she needs in order to keep being a good mom. And you can even put it exactly that way .
    It would be sweet and loving. she's blessed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I think that this would be a wonderful idea!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I would just give her a giftcard to a place she can get personal items, clothes, and toys for the kids. She maybe your friend but she maybe keeping what she really needs to herself. Maybe even get her a Visa gift card. If she says its to much insist its for the kids...

    Answer by Supervane at 1:36 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I help my sister out and I talked to her before hand when I do things, even though you are wnting to do a nice thing... sometimes I get worried about over doing it also - last year I bought all my niece's gifts that were from her mom and santa and I take her school shopping and give her money to do things when she goes out but i ask

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:33 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Yes. Let me explain. When i was a single mom family wanted to help me out, and give my son things generously. I expressed to them that although i appreciate their thought, it hurt my feelings that i could not give the expensive things to my son. Every mom wants their child to look up to them, and think they are the best. When you give generously to her kids, you take that pride away from her. If you really want to be generous at heart (and not for the glory), give her a gift card so that she can get what she needs for her and her kids. The visa gift card is a great idea. And if you really wanted to be generous (and not need a thank you), give it to her anonymously. That way she won't feel "indebted" to you in any way. When i got a $100 bill anon. it made me more comfortable b/c i didn't know who gave it and didn't feel like i "owe" anyone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.