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Does any one have any answers to questions about death?

Is there a group or anyone else who is raising a child who has had a parent pass away? My stepson was in a car accident in 3/07 with his biological mother, she passed away instantly. I have been a stay home mom since the accident. We go to counceling but my husband works all the time and i was just wondering if there was anyone out there who might share the same struggles we do. I am new to cafemom so maybe I am just not looking in the right place.

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kclrcl05

Asked by kclrcl05 at 5:03 PM on Nov. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • This is a hard one. Has he ever had a chance to just see a person who is dead (like at the funeral home.) I don't know. Maybe he just needs to know that the "body" is ok. I don't know if you are religious. There are all explanations about that. Don't convince him something is wrong with him because his mom died. My dad's died when he was 10. He said all he wanted was to be treated that he wasn't broken because she died. I think we all expect there to be issues and actually create them.
    jesse123456

    Answer by jesse123456 at 5:09 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I am in a step mom group that is a good group not the bad bashing kind. If you want to join, message me. There are some really great moms in that group with the best advice.
    How old is this child? I am sure he feels abandoned. Are you and hubby raising him?
    Counseling could be great for all of you.
    JLynn0871

    Answer by JLynn0871 at 5:17 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I would definitely check into the groups on this website. I'm not sure which one would be most fitting but there are a bunch of different ones so there's a good chance someone can relate to you :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • He is 5 now he had just turned 3 when the accident happoned. He was in ICU for 2 days. The day after we got out of the hospital was the viewing. We took him and let him say goodbye. He did not go to the funeral, we didn't want him around all of the grieving family and friends, and he needed his rest. Our main problem now is him forgetting her. He has a scrapbook full of pictures of her and I take him to play therapy every other week. I was mostly looking for any ideas that might help him, but I am getting discouraged. Thanks for replying.
    kclrcl05

    Answer by kclrcl05 at 6:08 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • 1st I'm sorry your son lost his mom at such a young age. I recently lost a great friend to medical malpractice and her husband is now trying to raise their 4 kids alone. The advice I gave him is the same I'm going to give you: keep the lines of communication open. If he has questions answer them as honestly as you can and if you can't tell him you will get the answers and then follow through.
    Does he spend any time with his mom's family? that would help keep her alive for both of them.
    Wyndi

    Answer by Wyndi at 9:27 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • yes he goes to him moms dads house every 1st 3rd and 5th weekend, we kept it at the same visitation she had, including holidays and summer.
    kclrcl05

    Answer by kclrcl05 at 11:20 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Just talk about her. Don't let him forget about her. You can explain to him what happens when people die based off the belief system you raise him in. Let him ask questions openly. Don't force him into anything. Let him lead your discussion. Just never ever tell him that his mom is sleeping. My 9 year old cousin still believes that her great grandmother is sleeping. My daughter was specifically instructed to not tell her otherwise. However, when my cousin finds out the truth it's going to hurt worse, so avoid that euphamism or any euphamism. It's never easy to talk about death in a culture that tries to deny it as much as possible but there are books out there that have ways to talk about it based on age.
    OneToughMami

    Answer by OneToughMami at 1:04 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • How awful! You are Mommy now. He was very young and I am sure this has been traumatizing to say the least. I know there are grief groups on cafemom. Maybe even some grief counseling at a child psychologists is in order. Good luck. Poor little man :(
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:42 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

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