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Therapy question

A lot of things have gone for my sd. Children services ignores the fact that she is being hit by her biomom but said needs therapy. Now my dh and is ex have been told to get family counseling. Also my sd is suppose to have one on one therapy but since children services has dropped our case she hasnt been to se her therapist. Now my main question is as the stepmom do I have to be involved with the family therapy or not? My relationship with the biomom is not the best and she talks bad abou myself and my dh. Just dont know if I hve to be involved cause Im not sure if I wan to. My dh says yes. Jut wondering.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 PM on Nov. 3, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (6)
  • don't you consider yourself part of the Family?

    I would say yes...

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 10:41 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • I do feel lie part of the family and my sd is relly like my daughter, Im just afraid her mother will use this as a forum to attack myself and my dh.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Nov. 3, 2009

  • Um, you need to be just as apart of the therapy. She needs you there.

    Answer by OneToughMami at 1:29 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • It depends on the therapist. Your husband needs to get a court order for this therapy for his daughter so the mother has to go, or be found in contempt of court.

    Once she starts the therapy, the therapist will dictate who needs to be there and involved. You might be part of it, but it depends on what the therapist feels is necessary for the benefit of the girl.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I have worked with children as a therapist in similar situations. I can't give you specific advice professionally but I can tell you my private thoughts on step parenting and hard situations. You are caught between a rock and a hard place no doubt. She needs you to be her friend not her mom. One day she may think of you as Mom because you were there for her. Be her friend. Hang out with her, tell her you think she is a great kid, worth knowing, take an interest in her. Her dad needs to be her parent and be active. You need to be that soft place. Not to say you don't have boundaries but let Dad be the one to punish and talk to her about her behaviors. You listen and let her know she can talk to you. Be gentle but not demanding she must talk. Just open. Also I would think she needs a therapist one on one. And then some sessions with dad and some to include you. You are a member of the family. I would not

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:26 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • invite a step parent in with the other ex. It always leads to disaster in MOST cases but not always. If sd's mom doesn't like you it would not be appropriate. I also hesitate to say sd should have counseling right away with her mother. She may need time away from her abuser and not to be pressed into therapy with her. I would think that it would be better if her mother had therapy for a long time by herself and then maybe with your sd. Then eventually maybe both parents and the child. But I don't know your specfics and every professional is different. I just was never comfortable making a victim and an abuser sit down together in therapy. Mom needs to take responsibility and prove she is willing to work on this because she loves her daughter. Not because she wants someone to just fix the kid and be done with it.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:30 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

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