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How can I better connect with my 6 year old Step Daughter

I feel like the worst person in the world, I don't feel like I have a good relationship with my stepdaughter. I feel like she is jealous of the kids I have with her father. She says mean things my 3 year old who absolutely adores her. I have tried doing things together but the whole time she talks about her mom, I cant get a word in. Most recently she repeated something mean her mom said about one of my kids. I am at my wits end!


Asked by kidomom at 1:32 AM on Nov. 4, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (3)
  • Keep trying to spend time alone with her. And when she talks about her mom just listen. When she tells you things that her mom said you might ask her how that makes her feel or what she thinks about that. If it bothers you it is 100% okay for you to say something such as "wow. that really hurts my feelings" or something along those lines ...but only if you think it will help.
    Have you tried giving her a special "task" or job? Kids like to feel special so try to find something around the house or something done at a certain time that is fun for her to do that is JUST for her. Maybe she can help you cook? Maybe you can start scrapbooking with her?
    You can also try floor time. Get rid of all electronic games, war games etc. and play with her on the floor. Try not to ask any questions and try not to lead the play. If you're not sure how to play with her try copying her.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:44 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Be patient with her and remember she is just a child.It is most likely that her mother doesn't want her having a good relationship with you.Try to find out what she likes to do and what toys she would like to have the most. Maybe by her that toy or take her somewhere she would like to go.Then you may connect.Like getting your nails done together or shoe shopping.She is only six,so she may just grow out of it.If she lives with you,you might want to try counseling.If she lives with her mother,then you night want to talk to her mom about this.When she yalks about her mom,try to find things you and her mom have in common.There is a conversation in everything,just finding it. Let her know that you are not trying to take her moms place.You just want o be her friend.When she is older you will be the one she wants to come to with a problem.I wish you luck.

    Answer by michlc51 at 7:40 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • 6 year olds are usually already in a stage where theyre teh fact that she now has to share her daddy with other kids can be "annoying" to her, and I can totally understand your frustration...I would say just be patient since she is still a baby. her mom might be brain washing her not to like you, but if your sweet and patient with her shell be able to tell see for herself that her mom is wrong and shell start to come around!! when she makes a mean comment about one of your kids just say, well thats not nice! we dont think that way of you...and presents go a long way!!! lol

    Answer by kassynkayla at 12:34 PM on Nov. 4, 2009