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How do i get the help i need with my husband??

I'm now a SAHM. I love it but i do miss working. My kids are great and i love spending the time with them. My problem is lately my husband thinks that because he works when he gets home its nap time and sometimes until the next morning. I havent slept a full night or more than an hour at a time in 3 months. I've tried to tell him that sometimes i need help with the kids, or something around the house, or if he could feed the baby once in a while so i can take a shower wihtout inturruption but it hasnt sunk in. Now, im starting to get aggrivated, i love my family but its not fair. While i was preggo with my newborn i worked 3rd shift, still did my daily routine when i got home and finally after dinner got 2-3 hours of sleep before work until 7 am and again the next day. He works 8 hours a day so if he wants a nap thats fine, but all night??? We dont even speak much anymore because of this. Its starting to really hurt.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:33 AM on Nov. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Is he being a cave man? he works so you should do everthing crap. Well men are jerks sometimes. You just have to keep telling him over and over how you feel until he finally gets it. I know how you feel. I quit my job to be a SAHM and now i feel like a dam single parent.
    Mrs.Oriaku

    Answer by Mrs.Oriaku at 9:36 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Don't ask, tell him, You need to do this. There is no asking, my man does laundry, I wish not but he does. Every day, wash and fold. He drives me nuts, but when I can't cook, I tell him he has too, when I can't pick up the kids, I tell him you need to pick up the kids.

    This is his family too. Sometimes they need a boost, I use to ask that did not work, oh, and my new thing is post its, everywhere. Until he does it the way he suppose too, spit all over the mirror as he is brushing his teeth, post it WIPE MIRROR. I am not the maid, although I work too.

    He should do jobs though, garbage, watch the kids when needed, stuff like that, mow the lawn, shovel, pick up leaves.

    Good luck!!!
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 9:40 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I konw where you're coming from. I get the same thing. If I had a relative here so I didn't have to put my kids in daycare, I'd be working tomorrow. I'm the nanny, maid, cook, chaffuer (sp?), accountant, handyman, the list goes on. I'm not supposed to have any life at all outside the house but my husband can booze with the losers he works with until all hours, something that nearly cost him a divorce not so long ago. Now he's griping about how I don't do anything. This from a man who can't even keep up maintenance (on this house he just had to buy) or even take out the trash. But he can put his ass in the recliner all night when he does bother to show his face to watch t.v. or talk/text his buddies all night. I'm at my wit's end.

    I feel for you. I have no idea what to do either.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I agree with KFree.
    Make him a list of daily/weekly responsibilities. Make a family schedule, including his schedule. (ie, wake up 6:00, work, eat dinner 5:30, 1 hour nap, (chore), family time/allow MOM some time, help put kids to bed, mom and dad time, bed 10 pm, or however your schedule works). That way he is held accountable. If you have to make him do his own laundry or something, make him! Give him chores that will affect him. Maybe its doing the dishes, and if he doesn't, then he doesn't get dinner the following night.
    missbreezy214

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 10:25 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Make plans one weekend for you to be out of the house for a day and let him be in charge. Don't call or anything. See what he says about it.


    Also with my hubby when he wasn't helping. I sat down and made a list of everything I do and told him that if he does 4 or 5 things I wold be willing to do my list. He said if you do it. I shot back what do you think I have been doing, dishes and cloths don't wash themselves. It sunk in right there, he no longer complained and did his chores.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 10:59 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • First and foremost, he needs to value you as a SAHM and see that you are a team and partners. I would explain to him that your jobs BALANCE each other out and BOTH of you need down time. Let him know he does a great job providing for his family but make him see that you do a great job as well and like any human being on this planet, you need a day off. He needs to see that he does not deserve better than you because he gets into his car and punches in and goes to work. You need rest just like him and deserve it, just like him. Hopefully if he respects your job and gives you things, that not only wants or needs for himself, everything should fall into place. I know, I been there and somedays still have to fight for basic needs....how rude. I never fight about money with my husband because I know he does a dang good job and I let him know it....now where is my respect in return somedays, I dont know. GL!
    3gigglemonsters

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 11:22 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • My guess would be that it's not what you are asking but probably the way you are asking him that is making him so sleepy. Men absolutely hate being made to feel like they owe you whatever you are asking of them. They also want their home to be a place of peace and refuge when they come in from work. I can't help but wonder how much positive reinforcement and gratitude you are expressing to him. It is very easy to take for granted that our husbands owe us whatever we desire from them. What do you feel you owe to him? Is it more than keeping a clean house and taking care of the children? You owe him respect and gratitude and encouragement, as well. If you start giving him those things, you will stand a much better chance of getting from him the results you are seeking.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:47 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

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