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Should my 12 year step daughter be sleeping in my bed with my husband?

I just recently started working 3rd shift 11-7am as a new nurse. We have a one bedroom apt at the moment, and when my stepdauhter comes over she usually sleeps in the sofa bed in the living room. He has visitation days 2-3x/week. Well when she found out i leave at night time, she decides to sleep in the bed with my husband. I find it strange, that she is thrilled and happy when she knows i have to go to work. She now tells her dad to pick her up on days I go to work.
Before I met him it was always this way, her sleeping with dad. When we got engaged we slowly started telling her when your dad and i get married you have to sleep in your own bed. To this day she makes up things like her stomach hurts; she's not comfortable in the couch; ill just lay here in between you guys for a bit, but falls asleep. Is this wrong she sleeps in the bed when i go to work? i feel strange about it.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Nov. 4, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Your step daughter is choosing to sleep with dad as a form of control and it seems he allows it because of some unresolved guilt he is feeling. You and he need to put a stop to it together as a united front. She is old enough to understand that you are his wife and that only you should be sleeping beside him. If she is feeling insecure about her relationship with you and her father and worried that she won't be daddy's little girl anymore now that he is remarried, try spending more time with her. Play games as a family, go for walks or simply make sure you have meals together.

    My step daughter was behaving the same way, she was only 9 at the time but it two over one year for my DH to understand what was happening and he and I both spoke with her about whose bed is whose. We all now happily sleep in our own beds.

    Good luck.

    Answer by KikiHelen at 11:40 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • You need to have a serious talk with your DH. He needs to stop this with her.
    Strange is not the word for it. Sick, nasty.
    You should be more mad at your DH then her. he is a grown man, letting his 12 year old DD sleep with him.

    Answer by louise2 at 11:18 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • It depends is this his daughter or his step daughter? I'm assuming that it's his daughter. Anyway unless you feel like he's a man you shouldn't be married to anyway doing something dirty to his daughter i don't think so. Maybe she's having security issues. I think when she gets boobs she be booted from the bed but for now if it's just sleeping and you don't even have an inkling it might be more then it's annoying but not a tragedy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • OMG, No

    What is up with him??? The questions should be is it wrong my husband sleeps with my step daughter....

    My daughter hangs out on the bed with my husband watching movies, but all my kids do.

    I think it is very inappropriate, and it is not her fault, it is his and yours.

    You need to end it.

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:19 AM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Wait, I'm confused. Why is it SM's fault? It's Daddy's fault for still babying her like that and letting her get away with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Nov. 4, 2009