Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Was I wrong?

My dd is 13 and is always trying to get me to let her walk places alone. I always tell her "NO" of course she always asks "why?, All my firends do it, You treat me like a baby." Usually I just tell her its not safe and leave it @ that. But the other day I finally had enough of her questioning me and I told (more like yelled at) her that she may not walk because there are crazy ppl out there who will kidnapp her, rape her and murder her.
My dh says I shouldn't have told her that. But it is the truth. What do you think?

Answer Question
 
4monkees

Asked by 4monkees at 2:08 PM on Nov. 4, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • My kids are already aware of that I have 4 ages 5-13, and I will continue to teach them. To be aware of there surroundings, not to scare them, but to keep them safe, and if anything comes up they know how to handle it.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 2:13 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Yes, you should have told her what you are afraid of. My girls are 2 and 4 and are aware that not every person you meet is nice and some would hurt her if given the chance. Is she asking to walk to a friends house or to the corner gas station for what ever. Keep in mind that in about three years she could be driving and in 5 years she will be leaving home.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 3:11 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • She's old enough to understand. Was there a better way to say it? Sure. But you got the point across. Now when you calm down, go talk to her about the risks and ask her for ideas on how to overcome these fears. Maybe you can come up with a solution together so you can both be happy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • hit answer too soon.

    You can't protect her forever. It's not fair to her to not be able to walk to a friends house or the store. Just teach her basic safety tips like walking in a group and watching for strangers. If you are really afraid, you can enroll her in a self defense course. Yes bad things can happen, but you can't protect your child all the time. And she's getting old enough to want and need a little independence.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I have no problem w/ her walking w/ her friends, or even just her brother. But she always wants to go alone. I WILL NOT let her go alone. I don't even like to go anywhere alone. At least if something did happen there would be someone else there to help and talk to police.
    4monkees

    Answer by 4monkees at 4:21 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I dont think you were wrong maybe yelling wasnt right but i agree the other comments up here, maybe something else you can do is show her things she CAN do if anything happens like my mom taught me when i was little if your walking to your car alone always keep your keys in your fist with one sticking out between your fingers incase someone attacks you, teaching her things like that might help and help get your point accross as to how serious of a matter this is and maybe tell her when she can go out alone like when she's a certain age or right after school walking home...IDK she prolly just wants that independence even tho shes only 13. Things have really changed when i was 13 i was still playing with Barbies after school. lol
    youngmum87

    Answer by youngmum87 at 4:43 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • My mom was the same way (and it wasn't a LONG time ago, i'm 21) and i thought she was treating me like a baby back then but I understand now. Why does she want to go by herself all the time? A bit suspious. I don't think you were wrong in telling her about rapist and murders, kids get snatched EVERYDAY and most are never found (or found alive anyways). If she can't listen to the rules, she can just stay home. That said, it depends on distance too, I mean if her friend lives on the next block, I can see, but not a mile away, if it's the first one, have her tell/call you when she is leaving the house, when she gets to her friends house, and when she leaves her friends house (to come home), then (if your not there) have her call you when she gets home. Also if she goes ANYWHERE else besides the friends house, that is a phone call too. (doesn't like it, she can stay home).
    Aniyunwiya

    Answer by Aniyunwiya at 5:58 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I think it depends on the neighborhood and how far she is walking. I was allowed to walk alone from the time I was 8 or 9, and my neighborhood was just regular- not the safest place in the world. You need to let her do things are her own. that's how she'll develop skills when she's an adult and has to walk alone at times.
    Hali_Taylor

    Answer by Hali_Taylor at 9:14 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • HELL NO you were not wrong! I would have done the same thing you shouldn't have to tell her no more then once!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • No, I have two boys and do not let them walk anywhere alone. There is power in numbers.

    Have her visit the missing children website and let her see that kids of ALL ages can be victims of abduction, etc.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN