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spoiled nephew...my sis cant take it.

ok so he is my sisters step son and he has been spoiled rotten from birth, with good reason though, he had 3 open heart surguries before age 1. his mom and dad have him severly spoiled and now my sister, his step mom, is responsible for him most of the time. he cries almost every time he is asked to do anything or stop doing something. he wines if he has the wrong dessert on his plate, if its his brother or sisters turn for a toy, he screams at my sis and ssays he doesnt have too listen to her, he hits the other kids and yesterday when we were visiting he pulled on my infants arm so hard he nearly pulled her out of my lap. anytime time you attemp to talk to him about anything he does wrong he instantly cries and doesnt stop untill you have to give up. she needs help, she is ready to send him back to his mommy but wants to try anything she can to get along with him instead. he is 4 years old btw.

 
cassie_m

Asked by cassie_m at 2:43 PM on Nov. 4, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (7)
  • Just a thought...think this has more to do with the joint custody situation than just being spoiled. He is angry and frustrated and he is letting everyone know it! He goes from being the center of the universe to just another kid and he can't cope! And with good reason, he doesn't have the skills . Wish there was an easy answer to this but unless everyone cooperates it is going to be really tough!

    Best thing I can see is to lay the ground rules with him while he is calm and focused. Explain what behavior is unacceptable and what the conseqence will be if he does it. Be sure to see it through!! It will take time but eventually he will "get it" , and at least while he's with dad he will behave. Maybe even try a chart with stickers so he can see the good stuff too. And a special treat or maybe some one on one time with dad as a reward.
    jessa1091

    Answer by jessa1091 at 3:37 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • There is NEVER a good reason so spoil a kid. Take it easy on, maybe...but outright spoil like that? No.

    She needs to stand her ground and stick to it. But if the parents are still going to spoil the kid, she's fighting a losing battle.

    When he starts to cry when you're talking to him, send him to the corner until he decides he's ready to listen and talk. (this works very well for 2 year olds) When he's calm and ready to behave, he can come out of the corner.

    Of course, she can't do anything unless the parents have given her permission to discipline though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • wow.. I would not handle that period... there is a difference from being spoiled and loved intensely... I feel for his condition.. but he NEEDS a stern loving hand. He is old enough to know when he does wrong and he seems he very well knows limits and how to break them to his own will. I say stop with the giving in. And if he pulls at your baby again, time out instantly even if it is by a tree outside (if your out)... just bc he has a health problem does not mean he cant have rules.. for his safty and your child's. Truly... one to two weeks of change is all it will take.
    midnight11287

    Answer by midnight11287 at 3:04 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Oh.. by the way.. kids learn at an early age what is acceptable at one place to another... so even if she does have a break through with him and he goes back to his house with his mom treating him the same, he will know how to behave at your sis's house. Yes, he WILL try to break those limits when he comes back (every child does) bc he would want it his way again. but it wont last for long if there is consistency every time.. it will be much easier on all of yall... including the boy. He will have much greater respect for her also. Limits, rules, guidance, and a stern hand... with all the love in the world will do him some good :)
    midnight11287

    Answer by midnight11287 at 3:08 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • ok but he lives with his mom in washington for 6 months and then here in oregon with my sis and his dad for 6 months. things dont stick between the times he is with them.
    cassie_m

    Answer by cassie_m at 3:17 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • If she makes steady guidelines it will. Like say, he throws a fit.. send him to sit in the corner... (kids will always some way throw a fit lol..) so that will always stick.. just general guidelines.. and trust me.. at this age everything gets sucked in their head like sponges.. he will remember!! :)
    midnight11287

    Answer by midnight11287 at 3:25 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • The book Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary should be helpful if his behavior isn't too far gone. She has a website called Star Parenting.

    If he would be with his mom most of the time if she "sent him back" and not in day care then that might be the best thing to do since he is only 4. It he would be in day dare there then I think she should consider putting him in day care. There is no reason she sould be the only one that is the primary care giver of a child that is out of control. Use the child support the mother is sending to pay for child care.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:32 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

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