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Give me your honest advice...don't hold back!

I'm a single mom of a 14 month old girl. Me and her "dad" haven't spoken or seen one another since January. Okay that really has nothing to do with it I just thought I'd mention it. But about a month ago I met a really good guy!! I think I fell for him super fast. I had dated probably 5 guys before him and I just couldn't handle it. With him its different. We met online, met up, went out a few times, became a couple, and now he is talking about moving to my town. (right now he lives 2 hours away). Anywho we both kinda think we may as well live together. He has 3 kids that he has joint custody of and I have my girl. Are we moving to fast? My parents seem to think so. Do you think when you know you just know? Should I slow this down? Be honest. Tell me your experience or opinon! Thanks :)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Nov. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • I agree with your parents that you are moving too fast. You just don't know enough about him.

    You are young and you have a lot of options in guys you get involved with. It would be a lot better to get involved with someone that doesn't have kids. If a man has kids you have to deal with child support, visitation and custody issues, the ex, everyont the ex is related to or knows, and a lot of baggage.

    There isn't just one guy out there that your have to find and grab on to. Wait for a nice guy to come along that doesn't have a lot of baggage. Move slow and wait for your relationship to grow.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:14 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I wouldnt move in with him. In a month you dont really know him and he will be around your little girl all the time. It may be moving to fast for your dd as well. If it doesnt work out she will be losing him too. I would say that he should get a place of his own..even if it is a small place and he hangs out at your house alot..no reason to rush it, with kids involved you have to be sure.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 3:14 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I met my DH the first part of December we married in march. That was 20 years ago. So I will not tell you to slow down. But my DH does not have kids by another women either. So you need to take into consideration his kids. 

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:15 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I do think that there is a degree of when you know, you just know.
    Here's the draw back though, what ever choices you make don't only affect you but also your child and his children.
    In the beginning of any relationship, you're both on good behavior and you don't really get to 'know' know the other person until further down the road and usually not until you've had some hard times and seen how the other person handled them.
    If your daughter forms a bond with him, and then you decide to break up for what ever reason, you'll have more then 1 broken heart to deal with, and if your daughter goes through to many of those, she may end up with relationship/bonding issues.
    Most of the time, when something seems to good to be true, it is, but very occationally it isn't.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Follow your instinct. How long have you been seeing eachother?My hub n I married after only 8-9 months of dating, and i knew he was the one...he didn't have any children, but i had 1 son at the time....he was wonderful with him and extreamly supportive...Now we have been married 3 years and expecting our 2nd baby. We are still madly in love with eachother, and every day the love grows stronger...i know that sounds corney, but its true......if this guy is supportive, and a good father...and not a dead beat...if he makes you happy, an your child happy...it might just be worth a shot....we r strong women, and can bounce back.
    guitarmom101

    Answer by guitarmom101 at 3:20 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • For me I would say that would be "Moving too fast." But whats wrong for one person, maybe just right another. I truly think this decision is for you to make on your own. Go with what your guts tell you after all you're the one who is going to be with the guy Not your parents, and definitely not cafemom.. hehe..
    navajomama7

    Answer by navajomama7 at 3:22 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I say slow down. It isn't just you anymore, you have a kid. Let him move into town, spend more time together. Meet his kids. If it is in fact 'right" than delaying moving in together is not going to harm your realtionship.
    In fact jsut the opposite, take the time to enjoy getting to know one another. Build a stroing foundation.
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 3:24 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • SLOW DOWN! Better safe than sorry....seriously! It would freak me out if a guy dropped everything to move closer to me, unless we have been dating for a few years, that would bug me out. What if he ends up to be a complete control freak? You seriously need to slow down, & get to know this guy.....get to know his imperfections before you move in together.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:35 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • i hate people- esp. females with kids- who meet someone and just automatically move in with each other. my and my BF have been dating for a year and a half and even tho we talked about moving in together, we arent doing it until 1) we know we will last 2) we know its in the best interest for my son and 3) we are both ready for it.

    a lot of new relationships (before they hit a year) will fail if they move in together... especially since you guys barely know each other. it took me and my BF 6 months before becoming a couple- 10 months before he really, truly met my son. yea- i take things slow, but i refuse to move in with a guy... break up with him, move out.. find another guy, move in, break up, move out, etc. just because i've known them for so many months.. and we are still in the "honeymoon stage".. shit, a year and a half later, i think we are finally past the honeymoon stage, getting to know the REAL person
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • If there were no children involved I would say go for it. However, with children involved it shifts things and I think you should wait longer before making that step.

    Make sure you are sure and make sure your "exes" are ok with things and not gonna try anything to bug your living arrangement and such.

    Give yourself time to make sure he will be good with and for your child and you for his.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 3:45 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

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