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relationship problems..

my husband never spends time with me and my daughter, he joined the volunteer fire department and spends every single day off from work up there, he also went there after work tonight I am so fed up and he knows how I feel about it. I am so tired of being lonely and I might as well be a single parent, the only time he ever spends at home, he lays on the couch and never helps with our daughter.
Any advice

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Nov. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I can tell you , I was married to a fire fighter and here is what happens...that firehouse becomes thier family. Think about it, they "save" poeple they hear all the time how great they are, heros and what not...meanwhile at home is a family who never sees dad, and when they do they can tell with 100% certainty...he wants to be back with his other family. It hurts doesnt it hon? I am sorry. If I were you, show him this post and my answer...notice I said WAS married to a firefighter...i got tired of waiting for him to be my hero...
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 11:32 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Men don't know a whole lot about childcare. They can learn to help but most men are really uncomfortable around babies and little kids. Men love to come home to peace and tranquility. Most of them despise wrangling and controversey. So if you are constantly fussing at him about what he is not doing that you really wish he would do, I can completely understand his not wanting to stay home and his vegging on the couch when he is around. You could try changing your approach. You could just go back to loving, admiring, and appreciating your husband the way you did when you first decided that he was the man you wanted to marry. You have the power to change your situation, but you will most likely have to make some changes in yourself in order to see that happen. The more you fuss and nag, the farther away you will drive your husband. If you want him to move in the other direction, you will have to lead the way.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:24 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • very true pp.....my hubby does not help a lot either...but he will if I ask him NICELY! and not accuse him, or nag, or bitch that he does not do anything. If you are a stay at home mom, housewife (like I am) then he may feel since you handle it all day, then you should not need a lot of help in the evening...which is not true! Just tell him you would really appreciate his help, that you know he works very hard and has other things he wants to do, but you would like him to...................for you. Give him some positives, then ask for some help....and you have to do it at the right time!!! NOT when he just gets in from work, NOT when he is watching a game. Things do not have to be done right away, and only when you say. Somethings can wait for a commercial, or wait for him to change clothes, shower, get comfy, then see if he will help you, or play with her while you cook, clean, bathe....whatever. You may be surprised.
    Jakesmom1107

    Answer by Jakesmom1107 at 10:52 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • ok I am confused about the first reply...why does this poor woman have to "lead the way" when its HIM that is causing strife? I mean come on! he is a grown man, he is hurting his family and that that. dont make excuses for him...you would not be so matter of fact if it were you, not at all. to the OP, sorry he is dropping the ball and it may be time to make some hard decisions about what you need form him versus what you are actually getting. He can be the best man in the world, but how long ya gonna wait for THAT dh to show back up? good luck and really-its not anything you are doing or not doing. If it is...then he can man up and work it out-dont you dare think you can change this by your behaviors alone. that reply was so off....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

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