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Why do we always blame parents?

Sometimes I hear coworkers or friends, even read posts on line, blaming all behaviors on parents. "Oh, you know he must have heard his parents.....his mother is just lazy.....he must have seen in it in his home....." I'm sure you have heard it or even have done it yourself. Why do we assume it is always the parents?

My son told my husband to "shut your mouth" when my husband was putting him to bed. My son was trying to delay sleep and stay up. We were a little shocked for a few seconds. We don't even say shut up. But he got it from an older kid at a school and he didn't realize what he was saying was even wrong. Lately he is, here and there, saying or doing things he learned from other sources. Some are great things and some are not great.

Do you assume it is bad parenting most of the time? Such as when a kid hits on play ground or uses profanity?


Asked by frogdawg at 10:28 PM on Nov. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 25 (24,269 Credits)
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Answers (14)
  • It takes a village. You can only blame the parents if the child is totally cut off from the outside world & his parents are the ONLY influence.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 11:44 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • No, because kids are barely home with their parents anymore. I blame the parents for THAT, but I assume they pick up the habits elsewhere.

    Answer by apexmommy at 10:31 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Kids pick up things EVERYWHERE, they are little sponges. Sometimes I don't even know where my daughter gets things. But when it's out of line, it's my job to teach her why it's out of line.

    Answer by Steff107 at 10:40 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I blame parents more when I see their kids being rude, little bullies and the parents don't say anything. Than it is the parents fault. If you don't stop your kids and teach them that behavior it is wrong- well than that is a problem with parenting. As far as things they say- I think it depends to. I know my daughter says things to me that I have no idea where she heard it from. But I also talk to her when she says something inappropriate. I don't just let her keep saying it without telling her it isn't acceptable. Some parents just laugh and then the kids think it is okay.

    Answer by Greenbeans422 at 10:57 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Having worked 8 years in daycare I have seen too many times how one parents slip or one older sibling can turn into a whole classroom epidemic of bad language/behavior so I do not blame parents I don't know for a childs bad mouth. Also sources can be something we think will be okay that turns out not to be, when my stepbrother was in preschool we watched Kindergarten Cop as a family, for the next week his favorite phrase was "boys have penises girls have vaginas"! Don't know how many classmates transfered that bit of knowledge to siblings!LOL

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 11:00 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I blame parents because that is where kids get their first ideas on how to behave.

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 11:05 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • The only time I blame the parent is if the parent does nothing to correct the negative behavior. My son has picked up so many bad things from other kids things that he would never even be exposed to at home but I always do everything in my power to break his habit of doing or saying those things before it gets out of control.

    Answer by AngeLnChainZ at 11:21 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I don't blame parents for a child saying a bad thing a couple of times, but repeated uses of the word is another thing. If he says it around his friends that's something different than if he says it around his parents too. I used to curse a lot as a child, but my Mother never knew it, and if she ever did hear me say something I shouldn't I would be walking away with a sore bottom.

    When a child uses bad language in front of their parents and they don't use it as an opportunity to correct the child is when the parents get blamed i think.

    Answer by Christina2135 at 11:25 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Well, I can say I was quite a rebellious teen and learned NOT A SINGLE OUNCE OF IT from my parents. My dad was a cop---soooooo

    Kids are kids. Most of the time, it's the group they hang out with that causes the problems.

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 11:40 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I don't automatically blame the parents, which is why I get so frustrated with posts that always blame them. Like the pp said, it takes a village.

    Answer by Fallaya at 12:23 AM on Nov. 5, 2009