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relationship with your mother after baby

When I was pregnant everyone kept telling me that having a baby will bring me closer to my mother. My son in now 14 months old and I feel further away from her than ever. I just can't imagine doing some of the things that my mom put my sister and I through.
Everyone said "when your a mother you'll understand" - for me that is just not true

has this happened with anyone else? Are you less close now that you have a child of your own?

Answer Question
 
Amelora

Asked by Amelora at 10:40 PM on Nov. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,663 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • No, my mother and I are WAYYYY closer. And I NEVER thought I'd be. I hated living with her as a kid. Didn't agree with anything she said. I mean, this woman grounded me for half my life, never let me believe in Santa or go trick or treating...things I will let my son do. So, even though we still don't agree on everything, she's still my mom, and things are very different now that I'm a mom too. So I never thought I'd say this but, I'm a lot closer now than I ever was!
    mamie2shoes

    Answer by mamie2shoes at 10:44 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I have more empathy for my mom (who was a mom with a serious anger management problem when I was growing up.) I realize it's not as easy as I thought it was to not get frustrated with kids. I am not making the same choices that she did and do not want to raise my kids the way I was raised. But I do have more tolerance that parenthood is hard, kids do not come with a manual, and she was probably doing her best, even if her best was kind of psychotic at times.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 11:01 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • not really. i do talk to her more i guess she has never meet mykids cuz she lives in another country
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 11:08 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • My mom and I are fairly close, but there are some things from my childhood that were pretty messed up and the whole "when you're a mother you'll understand" thing isn't true for me, either. Being a mother hasn't caused us to be closer, but it hasn't caused us to be further apart, either.
    Christina807

    Answer by Christina807 at 11:20 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • Well, my mother lives far away (me in PA, her in FL) but we're still close. She flew up after I had my daughter and was here to help me the first week, which was WONDERFUL!
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 11:38 PM on Nov. 4, 2009

  • I looked forward to being closer to my mom after my oldest was born. When the baby was 3 weeks old we moved in with my parents and it was nice. My mom was really into the grandma thing. Unfortunately it was never meant to be. She died a few weeks later. She was 51, I was 23 and my daughter was almost 8 weeks old.
    I never even got to find out if having a baby would bring me closer to my mom...there just wasn't enough time.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 12:20 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • Eh, we stayed the same.
    katzmeow726

    Answer by katzmeow726 at 2:25 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • For me i had my son and it didnt get us closer. Its still the same i dont like her but she is my mom and i will respect her. Now me and my dad got even closer and we have always been close. I loved seeing my dad with my son because i have never seen him with a baby before. My dad looked so happy i loved it.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 7:34 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • Well you only have 1 and she had at least 2 (you and your sister)...have another and see how much better of a mom you will be. BTW, don't judge your mom, you have no idea.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • This is a little different, but I'm further away.

    First of all, my mom and I never got along. Then she died when I was 10 weeks pregnant. She had known for 4 weeks and never once called to see how I was doing, if I'd been to the doctor, to tell me she was excited or anything.

    I don't miss her at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

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