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Is he you man or your child? Are you his woman or his doormat?

I see it on here all the time and it makes me feel better about my marriage.

On one side you see women who say they would not "Allow" their DH or S/O to do something. Is he your child? My husband and I talk about things and he values my opinion as I do his but he is a grown man. I can not forbid or allow him to do anything.

Then I see women saying that you must be the wife that never complains, always gives sex even when you don't want it, and basically let him walk all over you, in order to keep him happy and at home.

Am I missing something? Brandon and I have a marriage of equals. He respects me. I respect him. I treat him like an adult and he treats me the same. Do women not understand that you do not have to be a doormat or his mother in order to be married?

Answer Question
 
JEAmom3

Asked by JEAmom3 at 12:34 AM on Nov. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I totally agree with you. My hubby and I are equals...he might be a kid at heart but I'm not his mom and I am his woman and not his doormat.
    kimosgirl08

    Answer by kimosgirl08 at 12:39 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • Like you, my man and I have a very equal relationship...but it took work, because he was raised in a totally male chauvanistic environment, and I was raised in almost a male-disrespecting environment, although I was a daddy's girl and loved my daddy with all my heart...well, my mama didn't. So hubby and I really clashed at first..lol!

    I guess we learned from each other, and completed one another. 16 years later, we have a great marriage that is balanced nicely. :-)
    HomeMakin94

    Answer by HomeMakin94 at 12:41 AM on Nov. 5, 2009


  • I feel you are talking in extremes her too while relationships tend to have a bit of each situation in them, to what extreme depends on what works for their particular situation.

    Different relationships call for different kinds of balance. We are not all the same individually, so of course our relationships vary widely too. Some relationships thrive on one or the other partner being dominant. It does not mean necesarily that one or the other is being dominated to their disliking. You are judging other relationships against yours and that is a big no no. Especially if it makes you feel better to put others down for what works for them.
    Ranieri

    Answer by Ranieri at 12:59 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • i dont think its your place to talk down on people,first of all "door mats?" oh come on since when is someone willing to give to the other a door mat?live your life as you wish and if it works thats great but dont put down others because you wont do what they do everyone is willing to work at their marriege how they wish i dont think theres one way to it being great.i dont do 50/50 we do what we call 100/100 which means i give my all to him and he does the same for me,am i a door mat?
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 1:00 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • I am not saying that my marriage is perfect and that he never does anything that makes me mad but there is a level of respect between us. I can not tell him what to eat, what to wear, and what to spend money on. If it is a major purchase we will talk but I can not tell him not to buy a candy bar and he has the same respect for me. He is not going to leave me because I am too tired for sex one night or because I have a bad day every once in a while or because I tell him when he is making me mad. According to some, I am to never express my feelings. I am never to get mad at him. I am to never be too tired for sex. And if I do any of these things then I should not be upset if he leaves me for another woman. I have no worries that he is going to leave me. So I think I will stay his woman instead of his doormat
    JEAmom3

    Answer by JEAmom3 at 1:05 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • He choses to be a child be taking a lack of responsibility. If he ever tried to make me a door mat I WOULD TURN INTO LAURA BOBBOTT quickly. It is more me giving 100% him enjoying the ride. I knew it when I married him so I suck it up.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 1:12 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • i dont tell my man what to do or wear but he is like my baby and i care for him i dont see my self like a door mat for doing that,but ill tell you something i voice my opinion and he is ok with that i live in america and im free to be so no i dont hide feelings or ask how high when he says to jump,i would just say jump with me im scared arent we a team? lol
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 1:12 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • BUSYLOVINGHIM I am not talking about making a choice to take care of your man. I take good care of mine as he does me. I am speaking of those that say you have to let him walk on you to make him happy. I see it so many times. When someone asks a question about their relationship, you have some that say " You got married now he is your master." Then you have others that say, "Tell him you are the boss and if he doesn't agree leave him." Two actual answers that I read here and many agreed with them. I just don't get why some feel that you can't have a happy marriage if both work together instead of one having to control the other. I am just saying that it is possible to have a happy marriage without either being "THE BOSS."

    I get what you are saying though. Like, I cook and I make my husband a plate most nights and he does things for me as well. Things we want to do for each other, not forced.
    JEAmom3

    Answer by JEAmom3 at 1:21 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • the bible calls for the wife to be submissive to the husband. too many people take that as let the husband be in control, and the wife should bow to his wishes. but i don't think so!! I think that the man is the spiritual leader of the family, but the wife is the help meet, who is supposed to be there to discuss those issues with him. i feel the man and woman are to submit to each other. ultimately, the man has the "final" say, which we as wives may not like, but as long as it isn't actually harmful, i guess we go along, even if it is a stupid decision. BUT no husband should "walk all over" his wife. and husbands should consult with their wives before making decisions or going out to do something. yep.
    missbreezy214

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 1:23 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • i agree misbreezy because the bible also talks about if you treat your wife poorly the lord wont even hear your prayers,it talks about how a woman should treat her man and how he is to treat her and trust me "doormat" is no where in there,and yes i get you JEA :)
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 1:31 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

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