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For those of you who said that the National Guard mother is selfish...

Do you feel the same if the father joins or is in the miltiary? Or is it just when a mother joins or is in? Is there a difference? Or is this a double standard?

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Cavalrybaby02

Asked by Cavalrybaby02 at 11:01 AM on Nov. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,447 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Good question. I don't think it is selfish for a parent (mom or dad) to join the military - especially if they are doing it for their family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • Why would a mom who's in the National Guard be selfish? I'm a Navy vet, I served on Active Duty. I chose to not continue with that when I became a mom, but my dh is still Active Duty Navy, and I have a lot of friends who are women (and most of them moms as well) who are on Active Duty - some single moms, some married (some dual military, some not).

    I don't consider any of them selfish, and they do it "full time", not as National Guard. BTW - that is NOT a slam on National Guard, I have the utmost respect for them, and I fully acknowledge that they, too, get activated and called up to serve, in very dangerous places, for long periods of time.

    I just don't see how it's selfish for a mom to serve...
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:14 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • who evr said that is an idiot. i think she is BRAVE!! . she is a HERO AND WHOEVER THINK LESS OF HER IS NOTTHING BUIT A USELESS BASTARD!!
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 11:23 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • yes, i think if the father joins, he too is being selfish. If they were in the military FIRST, that's one thing, but to start a family, then join, that's selfish. This mom came on here and ASKED FOR OPINIONS, just b/c she or someone else doesn't like it, too bad. If you don't want an HONEST OPINION, don't ask. no wonder why some people have to answer anon.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • anon, I'm not bashing your for your opinion, I just disagree. I don't think it's any more selfish for a person to join after they have kids than I do for them to stay in once they have them. My dh has chosen, several times, to reenlist since we had kids. He could have chosen to get out of the military after our kids were born (both were born during his first enlistment, he's now almost to retirement).

    Effectively, he has "chosen to join" the military each and every one of those times, each of them knowing he had a family.

    I just don't see the difference.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:46 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • Exactly! You choose to stay in. It's not any different.

    What exactly is selfish about it? Is it because they might go away on occasion? Is it the danger? If it is, do you feel the same way about anyone who has a dangerous job (Cops, Firefighters, etc.).

    I'm seriously wondering if people who think it's selfish have a firm grasp on what military life is really like.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 11:54 AM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • Now, I do want to make one disclaimer here - there is one situation where I DO think it's selfish to join after you have a family...

    I have seen this, not very often, but I've seen it, where a person was married and, WITHOUT talking to their spouse about it first, went and enlisted, then just basically sprung it on them as "a done deal". I do think that once you're married, whether you have kids or not, this shouldn't be done without discussing it with your spouse (and kids, if they're old enough) first.

    I think THAT is selfish, but I don't think that being in the military or joining the military after you have kids is selfish in and of itself.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:07 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • i dont know the entire story but if you plan on joining any military service you should do it before having kids...i think it would be selfish to if you joined after. I know people who decide to have kids while still in active duty and i think it just makes it harder and more stressful on the other parent. I would wait until you are finished
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 12:13 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • have seen this, not very often, but I've seen it, where a person was married and, WITHOUT talking to their spouse about it first, went and enlisted, then just basically sprung it on them as "a done deal". I do think that once you're married, whether you have kids or not, this shouldn't be done without discussing it with your spouse (and kids, if they're old enough) first.
    __
    That's not only selfish, that's wrong on so many levels. That is NOT a decision to be made one's own when there is a family involved.

    I also think it's wrong for a soldier to re-enlsit without talking to his/her spouse first.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 12:16 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • That's not only selfish, that's wrong on so many levels. That is NOT a decision to be made one's own when there is a family involved.

    I also think it's wrong for a soldier to re-enlsit without talking to his/her spouse first.

    I agree 100%!!!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:28 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

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