An "Is your husband like this?" vent...

I am a SAHM, and DH works full-time at a call center. I get up when DH gets up for work, take care of our toddler throughout the day, even after DH gets home from work, I do all the shopping, cooking, most of the cleaning, and take care of the banking/finances. I never go anywhere except to shop. I am busy all day long, except during DS's nap, when I take a break. I go to sleep an hour after DH does every night. Yet, DH says he is tired all the time from working. When he comes home all he wants to do is veg in front of the tv. I always look forward to his days off, hoping we might be able to go out and do something as a family, but DH says he just wants to rest. He will do stuff to help if I harp him about it, or go somewhere w/ us, but it is never fun b/c he doesn't truly want to go. How is it that I am always doing things and working while he comes home from work to "rest", and he can't do stuff with us?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Nov. 5, 2009 in Relationships

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i have no idea. My husband is the same way and he's only 21. I told him there is no way his job is harder then mine. Well other then in the summer because he's always outside in the sun (he's maintenance). But i would like to know the same question on how are they always tired? My hubby has gotten better about it though after we have had MANY talks about him not helping out around the house

Answer by Zacherysmommy08 at 1:19 PM on Nov. 5, 2009
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He sounds depressed.

Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

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Yes, but lately he has been trying.

Answer by KFree907 at 1:20 PM on Nov. 5, 2009
Credits: 8947 Level 20 Relationships Minor

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Yes I feel your pain mine does the same thing I love him but he is so lazy he barley helps I work and take care of our 7 month old son and clean the house cook dinner, etc and it is so exhuasting. When he comes home he to sits in front of the tv while I pack diaper bags bathe our son feed him put him to bed play with him etc. I really know how you feel but the SAHM part which I think is way harder I call working out of the home a break. Never thought I'd say that. I'm sorry, us moms that are married deserve to get help and not have to be a "single mom".

Answer by ktinaza at 1:23 PM on Nov. 5, 2009
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He was sort of like that before I had to take radioactive iodine to kill my thyroid and I couldn't be near the kids for 3 days. I stayed out of town with family and it was just him and the kids for 3 straight days. I made sure the shopping was done and the laundry was caught up. He lived 72 hours in my shoes and it changed everything.

Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

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Perhaps he really doesn't want to be a husband and father anymore.

Answer by EireLass at 1:33 PM on Nov. 5, 2009
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yep..my husband was like that for 4 years and then he got laid off and he went with me to take the kids to school, to do the shopping to pick the kids up he helped me cook and clean and take care of the kids the days they didnt go to school..and now he understands how hard it is to manage all of it..plus my car broke down so now when he goes to work he takes the kids to school then picks them up when he gets off then goes shopping if needed and he got short with me the other day and i was like now you know how i felt when you were on swing shift and it was all momma all the time and no daddy..im so glad he got a 8-4 or else my kids wouldnt know him..lol

Answer by swaney06 at 1:35 PM on Nov. 5, 2009
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Nope. Mine comes home from working 12+ hour days and still helps with the kids and the house. He used to think that I didn't do anything all day long, but a day of him taking care of the kids and having a list of household chores to do while I went and photographed a wedding took care of that. He now has a LOT of respect for everything I do at home.

Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 1:44 PM on Nov. 5, 2009
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Yes, my husband is like this. But he works super hard 12+ hrs a day, 6 days a week. I do not expect him to help me around the house. I am a SAHM, that is my job and that job's requirements are 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I stopped comparing which one of us did more or was more tired than the other, after I did this I was much happier in our relationship.

Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

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I think it's based on the premise that the "traditional" family was the man brought home the bacon and the mother raised the kids and took care of the home. Of course, the dads would get involved with punishments and certain "heart to heart" talks with the sons about girls...but the mother did everything with the toddlers and infants and very young kids. However, I think every family has to come up with their own "roles" based on what each partner needs. If you stay at home, then yes...I supposed the bulk of the household stuff should be your job, and you sound as though you take that very seriously. That said, he does need to step up and be a daddy when the kids are home and he is off work...because you don't get that time back...and most recently it has been discovered that young children benefit from quality time with BOTH parents. Maybe you could tell him the kids miss him? That always gets DH to participate more.

Answer by ErinHill226 at 2:27 PM on Nov. 5, 2009
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