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How would you take being asked to minimize gift giving?

How would you respond to your bro & SIL if they asked you not to go over board with gift giving for their kids? Would you tell them they were being mean & trying to take anything away from their children? Or would you understand that because they couldn't get much for their kids they don't want to be out done in a way? **I KNOW that's not what Christmas is about & thats NOT what this question is about either** I'm sure some people would feel bad if ~example~ you got your kid Transformers toys and your sister got them a Wii. I was recently a little surprised by a conversation about this topic. The person I was speaking with didn't care even if the parents were empty handed on Christmas as long as they could give the kids presents. What is your take on this? I see it both ways, but I would never want to step on a parent's toes when it came to their kids.


Asked by Katlyne120806 at 9:25 PM on Nov. 5, 2009 in Holidays

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Answers (38)
  • I have ran into this situation several years back with my SILs kids. And it was because the kids looked forward to seeing us more than seeing their parents Christmas morning gifts. So how we handled it was A) toned it down and B) we delivered the gifts Christmas eve night after the kids went to bed and put from "santa" on them. We didn't care who got credit for the gifts, we just wanted our nieces and nephews to get a few nice things for christmas. We had not kids of our own at the tiem and they were such great kids. The parents said thank you the next day and how much everyone enjoyed that Christmas morning. We did that for a few more years until we had kdis of our own and then started toning it down, but they then they were teens and not so much into Christmas and the parents were better off then too so it all worked out.

    Answer by karamille at 11:37 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • I'm with you. If my siblings asked me to tone it down I would. Or I would offer to let them put "from mom and dad" on some of the gifts I give them. No one in my family would take that offer unless they had no other options, but I would still offer.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 9:29 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • I've considered telling my relatives the same thing....not because im worried about being "shown up" but because frankly my two year old has enough stuff..

    he doesn't need anymore..

    If you think its because of their lack of money maybe suggest giving money to a saving or college account or something along that lines...that way you're not just buying them toys they will grow out of.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 9:30 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • Yeah, I mean, its not like the kids wouldn't be getting any gifts at all, but I can see how it'd make parents feel bad if they were strapped for cash. Who wants to look like a bum on Christmas?

    Answer by Katlyne120806 at 9:33 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • Oh my in laws have a "look how much I can give your kid" contest every year. We've asked a million times for them to chill out on the gifts, even gifts for us, because we don't even buy for anyone but our own kids. We can't. They refuse even though they are behind on their house notes just to spend spend spend on everyone so they look rich. Its dumb.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • If there was an exchange back and forth, like they also bought for your children and wanted to tone down the trade, I would be relieved, there are so many people to buy for in my family! But if you are just buying for their children and they don't have to reciprocate then I don't see why they would even ask that, if you want to be generous, then be generous!

    Answer by BandME at 9:37 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • I think because it made them embarrassed that everyone else got their kids tons of stuff and they could only get like a few gifts a piece for them. That's kind of like showing off in a way, if they ask you not to do that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • we're actually toning it down on everyone this year..none of the adults are getting anything..we're only buying for the kids..and we have set at $75 limit so each person can only spend that on each kid. none of us have the money to spend this year. and christmas is really for the kids anyways.

    so ya if they asked me to get less for the kids, i would LOL

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • I would ask someone not to go overboard simply to keep my child from being spoiled and having too many toys. There is a point where a child has TOO many toys lol
    My parents told my grandparents when we were kids to only give each of us kids one present. I dont think there is anything wrong with that and you have to be careful: they could be being selfish and they dont want to be outdone, or they could just be trying to look out for their kids :)

    Answer by CassCass at 9:51 PM on Nov. 5, 2009

  • This is how I look at it - gift giving should be a pleasure for everyone - both the person who gave, and the person who received (which would include the parents of the child getting the gift).

    I wouldn't want to give a gift to the person that was going to make them uncomfortable because they felt it was overly generous.

    But, at the same time, if they asked, I would also say to them, in a nice way, and only if I truly meant it (which, with me, I would mean it) - I would say something like I don't want you to be uncomfortable because you don't think you can spend the same amount of money. I hope you understand that to me, it's not about the amount, but about the thought put in the gift, and I enjoy giving things to you.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:17 PM on Nov. 5, 2009