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How would you handle this situation concerning my exh's current wife...

A bit of history first. I became pregnant at 17, finished HS, married, and then seperated within 2 years. As soon as I found out about the baby his father said there was no reason for me to return to school. We fought about it every day. he immediately quit his job and said there was no reason for him to work since my family was well off. He pressured me into marriage, I told him if he could get a decent job and keep it for 6 months we would. I kept my promise. The day we got married was the last day he had a job, well at least for about 3 years. Soon after he started stealing off of me to buy drugs, got caught. I kicked him out for many other reasons too. He was verbally abusive, tried to be physically, and quite frankly a piss poor father, he cheated and was proud of it. I left and never looked back. SInce then I have tried my best to provide a relationship for him and our child. Never forcing, but for years made sure....


Asked by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on Nov. 6, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • You are better than that to confront them. I'd say end all contact w/ her and only keep essential contact w/ your ex if possible. Don't stoop 2 their level & confront them. I wouldn't give them ANY amo for any reason. It's always better to look like the better person. Hang in there, sounds like ur son already realizes how it REALLY is, keep up the example of how to be even when it's hard!

    Answer by AddyLeigh at 11:46 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • my exh had full access to his child as well as no child support. Eventually I found out that he was using our child to get woman, putting him in harmful situations, never had him in a carseat. Smoked around him (and not cigarettes), drank with him in his care. All the while he was telling his women that I was a drunk and drug addict. I have never really drank not even on my 21st, drugs scare the crap out of me, and completely disagree with having them near a child. Since we split he has had many gf's, has a daughter with one whom he gave his rights up for, then got married to another and recently had another child. She openly tells all about their marital issue's including all the problems I had with him. Well, about a year ago I talked our childinto going to his dads because he said he had grew up and had a real life now. Our child went over to visit a few tmes, left crying each visit. Decided himself that he didn't want...

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • to go back. And had very valid reasons why. His dad yells at him, shows him now attention. He's not allowed inthe house. His fatehr and wife fight all the time and sometimes about him. They throw things at each other and so on. I confronted his father about all of these things and he admitted it. That has been over a year ago. Now my exh's wife is making public comments on the internet that I "keep" his son from him, I am spiteful, and so on. I'm not sure if I should confront her or let it go. My ex has always said Inever got over him and thats why I try to make his life hell. However, when I look back I know our relationship was toxic and did they best I could each day then and now. I have a wonderful relationship that has lasted a decade, we both have great jobs and a wonderful family together. Both my ex and his wife have admitted they say such t hings because their life is the way it is. So, how should I handle this?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • I would only agree to supervised visitation with your child. The gf's will figure out really fast what he's all about as far as drugs and what not. I would be supportive of this girl since you know how it feels. Some people aren't as strong and mature as you have been and have trouble getting out of bad situations. Props to you for being a good mom!

    Answer by lowencope at 10:01 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • OP here. I have been very supportive of her. She emails me for advice, but at the same time dogs me on the internet. She even wrote a public apology to me on a website. I just dont know how to take it any more. Either I'm the great mom she says I am or I'm a spiteful bitch of an exw. Which is it?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • I would fight for full custodya and not care what his wife is saying.

    Answer by Jguevara at 10:04 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • First of all you are a good mom, or else you wouldn't have posted this, I would not worry about the girlfriend, sounds like he has a revolving door? Go and get some help for supervised visitation and some child support! You owe it to yourself and kid, I think it will empower you to get over the bad situation, and just don't feed in to the negativity, it isn't good for you or your dear son!

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:12 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Op here again. I have full custody. But, I feel as though she needs confronted. But, I'm tired of confronting her. She tells me one things and then tells all her friends on the website something different. The problem is I feel for her. If she called and said she need help I would be there in a heart beat. But, the other side of me feels like she should have listened to the answers I gave when she asked all these questions about him. Now she has 3 children whom all have dead beat dads, who both do drugs and wont take care of their kids. I'm on the fence right now. I'm tired of hearing her complain about how terrible he is, but expecting me to "force" my child to go visit his father, who doesn't visit with him when our childs over any way. Among other reasons. Our child is old enough and smart enough to know whats normal and say he doesnt want to go. I wont have me child resent me for "forcing" him to go visit his "father".

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • op... Child support is taken out of his check. My exh finally got a job stocking shelves at Walmart 3rd shift. (quite frankly I'm just glad he's working) I've now gotten supprt for a few months. Our child refuse's to go visit his father. I told my ex if he wants to see his son bad enough he'll take me to court and we'll start over. He's always threatening to drag me into court and take our child from me. Last summer he went to visit his fatehr and his dad disappeared with him. Needless to say our child is scared of his father and wont go see him! Exh's house was searched and everything. It was a terrible experience!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Holy cow, I have an almost identical situation with the ex (not the girlfriend). It is so hard and frustrating, I know how you feel. Just ignore the gf though, people you love know the truth and that's all that matters. She is probably just very insecure, and he blames you for his lack of being a good father, and meanwhile, you are the only one parenting the child, who is really the only issue here. As long as your child is well cared for, count your blessings and don't even give any energy to this negative situation. Life is too short.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 10:17 AM on Nov. 6, 2009