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am i over analyzing my situation, or what?

my husband and i have been together for some time now. we have 2 children ages 5 & 7. The past 3 yrs have been up and down. We do not fight that much anymore, but when we do its over him not treating me right. For instance: I work a 9-5 job, I come home to a routine with the kids. (homework, playtime, dinner, bath, then bed) I clean the house, take care of the kids, and wash all the laundry. While he is in the den playing games, at a friends house, going to watch game sat sports bars. He too works a full time job. But I take care of everything.We are supposed to be 1.parents (partnership) 2.married (share responsability)3.lovers (which he is) Hedoesnt treat me as well as myself, my friends, or my family thinks he should. He runs me down, calls me names, and is very lazy. Sometimes I feel like he doesnt care becuase he doesnt show any emotion towards me. (the rest is the first annonymous answer)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Nov. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • So our situation now is: We had a family emergency, I left Thursday to travel to my family's residence. We agreed he would come over Friday night after he got off of work. I took the kids out of school and brought them with me. Well while I am grieving, he is out with friends getting drunk, and having a hay-day.I am ONLY bothered with this becuase of thefamily emergency. I wanted to beable to call him if i needed him. But he didnt answer my calls nor did he call back till late at night. Should I really be bothered, or am I over analyzing the situation? I am just so emotionally drained by his lack of partnership in our marriage and our family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • I would suggest couples counseling!! My husband and I had to go through it before we got married...it was through our church. We liked it, we learned A LOT about eachother, and we understood eachother a lot more. There's nothing wrong with it, and it was very helpful...good luck :)
    mamie2shoes

    Answer by mamie2shoes at 11:52 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • No, not at all. You already know this though, did you really have to ask this question?? It's make or break time. Either accept the fact that he's like this, or tell him he's got to change. People only do what you allow them to do to you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • And obviously you're upset about this...no you are not over analyzing the situation. I would be mad too. I feel for you honey.
    mamie2shoes

    Answer by mamie2shoes at 11:54 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • I would not only be just "bothered" I would be pissed off. Does he know how you feel? Have you commuicated your feelings to him? If he already knows how you feel then I would leave him. It seems to me that you are doing everything on your own already anyway. How does the saying go? I can do bad by myself or something like that.
    Jguevara

    Answer by Jguevara at 11:59 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Yes, "I can do bad all by myself" Yes I told him how I felt, and he was like its ok honey you have me on a leash and I can feel you tugging it. But, I dont feelthe same way when all I want is for him to be there for us, and our family. If/whenI talk to him about changing the way things are. he's like here we go again. Or something sarcastic. I know I am not perfect. I know I do wrong. But, I am in it for the long haul, to fix or change things that need be. I love him with all my heart and I am lost right now. my kids are the ones who keep me going.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • OP, in response to your answer about telling him how you feel. I feel like you can only talk until your blue in the face. If he doesn't want to change or could care less about how you feel then there is nothing else to do but move on. I don't believe in divorce as a first measure but if you have tried everything else then that would be my only option. Yes everybody does wrong but the point is to acknowledge it and try to fix it. He obviously isn't very mature. Your children obviously only have one parent so you need to be there for them and do what's best for them. I hope you don't feel like i'm coming down on you because i'm not. I'm just trying to be helpful. I wish you the best of luck.
    Jguevara

    Answer by Jguevara at 12:19 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Jquevara: No I dont think you are coming down on me at all. Its very difficult to leave someone when you feel so in love with that person and kids are involved. But I know what you mean.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • I think some men just get in selfish mind set, My DH and I lost a daughter at birth and I almost died as well, the minute we got home, he headed out to the bar with his friends, I seriously almost left him over it..... 10 years later we are good, we went to counseling and discovered that his Mom had spoiled him rotten--LOL, but now it is all good, would he consider going into counseling? I think after you get through this crisis, you need to have a couple of nights a month to yourself as well, do you do things together --alone --as a couple? Good luck mom, but you can change it I promise!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:46 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • i agree with the above, men are selfish minded. they dont think of others the way we do (or at all in some cases). but if this is something you don't think cousling would help or something you cannot get past yourself (as in would you be able to over look his treatment of you in future quarrels or hold it against him again) then be done with it. there is nothing harder on u and/or you children than a disfuntional and unhappy home. they need to see and feel love everyday, and whether or not they get that from both or one parent i dont know. but seen you and your hubs unhappy together will only teach them that this is how all relationships are.
    BigBoMom

    Answer by BigBoMom at 5:38 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

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