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My Step D's bio mom is under the impression...

that once afore mentioned SD is 15 she no longer has to come to our house for weekends with her dad if she dosen't want to. We live in Ohio, does anyone know if there is any truth to this? We have a very good relationship with both mother and child, but as DD gets older naturally her social schedule is filling up. Her mom keeps telling DH that she needs to drop off late, pick up in middle of weekend, or early for social engagements for DD. Cheer practice, chior practice, slumber parties etc. I know as girls get older they are very social creatures, I have 2 teen DD's of my own. But where is the truth in whether or not SD has to come for her weekend with her dad? We try to compromise, but when we only get 4 days a month it is hard for her dad to give up what little time he has with her. I would think she would be thankful she has a responsible X who wants time with his DD.

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salexander

Asked by salexander at 11:55 AM on Nov. 6, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 26 (28,366 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Why can't he take her to those different things? It sounds to me like maybe mom is making excuses to cut the visits. It would seem to me those would be things he could take her to, and could actually help their relationship since he could stay and watch the practices or whatever. I don't know if there's any truth to what she says, but I would maybe talk to a lawyer.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:58 AM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • I'm not sure of the exact age but thought it was a year or two younger. But yes, if your SD decides that she doesn't want to visit anymore, it would be hard to force her.
    On the flip side, if she dicided she wanted to live with you and her dad instead of her mom, her mom couldn't stop her either. Teenagers to get more rights on where and how they spend their time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Part of raising a child is to let them know/learn about choices. I think by then they should know that they have choices. And by making choices, there are certain results that she may or may not like. It's the whole cause/effect thing that many parents prevent their children from learning about. She shouldn't have to visit if she doesn't want to. But then she can't expect you to drop and run every time she wants. Although if she does visit and has other obligations, that leaves you driving her all over creation to get to these places. It's all about choices.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 12:06 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • He does attend many things for her, however we like most families are busy. She is only one of 6 children combined his, mine, and ours. So there is never a dull moment especially on weekends. We can't be two places at once. It is getting to the point where it is something every weekend. He only has so much time with her as it is. We don't want to spend the entire time running and attending. We would like to have time with her to just relax and be a family. If we had her more often he wouldn't be as concerned. I think the fact that she has made what could be determined as a threatening statement as far as visitation is concerned is what makes him upset. Not too mention I think men are hard pressed to pay child support for a child that is being withheld from them...don't you?
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:06 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • When I was 13 I was allowed to modify the custody order the way I wanted to(with in reason) They asked me which parent I wanted to live with, how often I wanted scheduled visits....I got to do pretty much the whole thing. So, based on my experience I would say that she can choose if she wants the visits or not
    OwensMama824

    Answer by OwensMama824 at 12:12 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • I was told that a child at that age as the Right ( gag) to make there own decisions. For example my dd wants to go live with her aunt as long as her aunt says yes if they were to take me to court the juge would probably rule in favor of my dd ( sad but true)

    My nephew is 16 they had his dads visitation cut down, because after all he is a teen and has the right to a life. I personally think it's stupid to allow someone who's brain is not fully developed to make decisions like this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Cheer leading practice and choir practice shouldn't be happening on weekends, unless that's something new.

    If the daughter is only getting 4 days a month with her father, she probably shouldn't make plans to attend slumber parties on his weekends, or reschedule her weekend with Dad.

    No matter what her age, he's still entitled to time with his child, no matter what her mother thinks. Although at this age, the child is going to want and need more say in the visitation schedule.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • This happened to my DH and it didn't work out for the Bio mom because she ended up losing custody. In our state, the law does say that the child has a right to choose, but the bio mom ended up requesting a gaurdian ad litem to investigate and lost custody. (she's crazy)
    I wouldn't take it as a threat, cuz it's just not that easy, it does involve lawyers, going to court, and all that. She doesn't have a reason to not want to go over to your house, like abuse or whatever.
    I know it's frustrating, but just don't worry about it. GL.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:33 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

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